When A Sociopath is Hell Bent on Destroying You

Here is a helpful article, from Carrie Barron, M.D. on Psychology Today, which explores how the definition of evil and the DSM diagnosis of Anti-social personality disorder criteria overlap:

“First, let’s look at the dictionary definition of “evil.” Here is the word “evil” as defined by Dictionary.com:

  • Morally wrong or bad
  • Wicked
  • Harmful
  • Injurious, unfortunate, disastrous
  • Bad conduct or character
  • Anger or irascibility

Now let’s compare “evil” to the DSM diagnosis of Anti-social Personality Disorder (PsychopathySociopathy)

  • Lying
  • Deceitful
  • Conning
  • Impulsive
  • Aggressiveness
  • Reckless disregard for the safety of others
  • Irresponsible
  • Lack of remorse after hurting others and rationalizing having done so
  • Failure to follow the law

Additional Antisocial Personality descriptions from the Mayo Clinic:

  • Exploits others
  • Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or for sheer personal pleasure
  • Intense egocentrism, sense of superiority and exhibitionism
  • Repeatedly violating the rights of others by the use of intimidation dishonesty and misrepresentation
  • Lack of empathy for others
  • Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behaviors
  • Poor or abusive relationships
  • Failure to learn from the negative consequences of behavior
  • Disregard for right and wrong

At any rate, horrifying psychopathology may be out there or within your own circle. If your brother, sister, cousin, or aunt, are thus endowed you might feel ashamed, doomed, tainted, from poor stock, responsible somehow as if you should have been able to stop the madness. It is especially hard to get your mind around it if you are the target. For kin to want to ruin you is a taboo mind twister, but it happens.

By Chloe Barron
Source: By Chloe Barron

If you have been blindsided by stunning malevolence here are 16 focus points to help you move on.

  1. Survive the event even when you think you cannot (hard to see that there is light when you are in the dark).
  2. Fight despair.
  3. Dis-identify with those who do not have your back but should.
  4. Find witnesses who mirror, validate and empathize.
  5. Associate with people who are compelled by truth.
  6. Indulge in comforts till you regain your footing.
  7. Get up when you cannot .
  8. Break contact and cease dialogue with those who are incapable of acknowledging what they have done—forever.
  9. Brush off debris, detritus, bothersome people who are neutral when being upstanding is called for.
  10. Start walking, one foot in front of the other; just move.
  11. Take back your productivity.
  12. Have faith in your natural capacity for love and joy.
  13. Hold on to your mental health by working with a good therapist or spiritual guide.
  14. Be a member of a community where emotionally perverse interactions are unacceptable.
  15. Reach out to others who suffered the same.
  16. Don’t be injured, be angry..

Fury is fine, but do not waste time seeking revenge. Trust that comeuppance occurs with time, truth and the psychopath’s long trail of transgressions. Let it go, because what goes around comes around—even when you are not trying to influence the outcome.”


Learning What Evil Truly Is

In my experience with the Steve sociopath, when his mask came off through divorce, I was told what he would do next (by advocates for battered women). I kept saying, to myself, “he won’t do that” because it was too outrageous. I was being gaslighted, I was traumatized, I was in survival, I had three children to support and protect, I was in recovery from chronic illness, I knew nothing about sociopaths, and I was in denial. It was too much.

Guess what? he did what was predicted and much more. Sociopaths are unbelievable unless one has survived their brutality, lack of compassion, lack of empathy, and their thrill with hurting other people:


Hard Humorous Attitude Toward Sociopaths


They Have to BREAK You to Leave You!

This is the deep depravity of a sociopath!

Embedded, below, is a very short video from Richard Grannon who says: “The narcissist (I add sociopath) can’t leave you unless you are absolutely destroyed and broken. You have to be completely broken by the leaving. And if they do leave you and you are not destroyed and broken, they will come fucking come back until you are. They’ll make sure of that.

The narcissist can’t leave you unless you are absolutely destroyed and broken. You have to be completely broken by leaving. And if they do leave you and you are not destroyed and broken, they will come fucking come back until you are. They’ll make sure of that.”

The purpose of that game is nothing more than a four-year-old tyrant trying to prove to you how important he or she is. That’s all it is.

They need you to suffer when they leave. The more you suffer, the more important and powerful they are. The more you are sad, angry, low and depressed, they feed from that”

True in My Experience

The sociopath’s obsession with destruction was true in my experience. When I became physically ill, after sixteen years of marriage to the Steve sociopath, he went nuts. I had thought it was because I was no longer an adequate narcissistic supply and was an inconvenience. So, he quickly grabbed new supply by going to the bars and having affairs. I had also thought he was extremely vindictive because I had to expose his abuse, in the family court system, in order to attempt to protect our children.

Now, I’m understanding that it is not totally anything I did. The reality is that the narcissist-sociopath’s need to destroy is simply their nature. The leaving is part of their plan for destruction. Their supply is supposed to bow down to the grandiose belief that they are the entitled god to be adored at all times. If their supply does not comply or is unable to do so, the sociopath’s dark side runs amok.

The word kill seems to be central to their thought life and speech. It is their spiritual nature which, I believe, is pure evil. I believe that some are actually possessed by demonic spirits. How could a parent have such a hard heart he/she doesn’t care about his own children?! How could a person salivate and premeditate the destruction and death of another person? especially the mother of his children? I believe it is a spiritual battle and something in them that is alien to the compassionate nature most of us have.

I think of Dr. Scott Peck’s book People of the Lie. Dr. Peck, a psychiatrist, who described evil and several exorcisms he witnessed as follows:

He described one possessed patient as actually becoming serpentine in appearance, with hooded eyelids, and the other as becoming so grotesque and inhuman that Peck, when he tried later in front of a mirror, was unable to contort his face into such a diabolic grimace. Dr. Peck went on to describe a “contemptuous grin of utter hostile malevolence” and how the “eyes would open wide with blazing hatred”.

He said “the patient suddenly resembled a writhing snake of great strength, viciously attempting to bite the team members” and that the “reptile darted out in attack”. He described a “most extraordinary sense of a fifty-million-year-old heaviness. Almost all the team members at both exorcisms were convinced they were at these times in the presence of something absolutely alien and inhuman” (People of the Lie, page 296).

Finish the Job

The Steve sociopath was obsessed with destroying me, was inhuman, and seemed possessed. He kept coming back for approximately ten years, after divorce, to finish what he had started. He must have been extremely enraged that I did not fall apart with tears when he left. I did not beg for him to stay. I did not suffer one day of missing him. My problem was that he was a human parasite who would not stay away nor leave me alone. Instead, he stalked! was obsessed! and extremely vindictive! I could not get rid of him!

He stalked. For example, I ran directly into him, at the Viking Plaza Mall in Alexandria, while I was carrying our youngest son on my back. He showed up at the arcade, at the Viking Plaza Mall in Alexandria, MN, when I took our children to the arcade. Years later, he stalked me and our children, at the Crossroads Mall in St. Cloud, MN, and was observed by friends as he came up behind me. He sent letters and did drive bys to let me know he was watching me, etc.. By then he had remarried and lived in Alexandria. So, it is shocking he had nothing better to do than to track me.

He must have known I was working on an undergraduate degree. In other words, he had tried so hard to destroy me but failed. I’m sure he hated seeing me move on, succeed, and was trying to destroy by instilling fear. I thought about purchasing a stun gun because I knew that separation, from the narcissist-sociopath, is the most dangerous time for a battered woman. Separation is most often the time when women and children are murdered. The Steve sociopath kept trying to destroy me, for ten years after divorce, because he is filled with the most vile, rotten, putrefying matter in his body. He is beyond repulsive and dangerous.

The sociopath tried everything short of actual physical murder to destroy me. He:

  • set me up with grooming and charm in order to con me before marriage
  • wore me down with verbal, emotional, sexual and physical abuse in the marriage
  • took off his mask and dialed up his abuse, to full speed, after separation
  • stalked, harassed, and abused his family after separation even after my relocation to another community
  • ran a smear campaign to cover up his crimes and to make me look like the problem. He seemed to say caring things like she’s a “flower in a hurricane” at the same time he interjected a criticism, a lie, a blame, etc. to cast all guilt away from him
  • disrupted as many of my relationships, as possible, by acting like a nice guy while running character assassination against me by asking for hugs, showing up at work places to make good impressions, yelling at our children when he was upset with me, etc.
  • bragged about his new relationships, to me and family members, with i.e. “happier than I’ve ever been”
  • broke laws without conscience
  • broke into my home, stole belongings, did damage, etc.
  • initiated custody battles to take children away
  • alienated my children by brainwashing, pathological lying, abusing, terrorizing, and bribing them
  • terrorized my children and I by putting our children in dangerous situations with no care for their safety
  • contacted Child Protection with fabricated allegations
  • lied in court, on the stand, for example saying I “hit him over the head with a frying pan”
  • punctured a hole in the tire to my vehicle
  • harassed by phone and mail
  • drove drunk with children on board
  • unknown if he set up car accidents
  • the list goes on and on and is unbelievable to a sane, compassionate mind

He tried so hard to finish the job but failed. He must be beside himself. He now has depression, pharmaceutical medications, stints in his heart, knee replacement, gall bladder surgery, obesity and whatever else is unknown to me. His children know he does not care and stay away (to my knowledge). He does not show interest nor care for our children.

Meanwhile, I have recovered, am healthy, on no medications, free, educated, and am physically trim. I live as gentle a life as possible since I know I can still be triggered by abusive people and/or threatening life situations. Dr. Sandra Brown recommends living a “gentle life” after surviving a sociopath: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pathological-relationships/201207/living-the-gentle-life-part-one:

“I have often seen people who have put a lot of effort into their recovery and NOT put a lot of effort into the quality of a gentle life following treatment. This is a mistake, because going back into a busy and crazy life, or picking another pathological, could reactivate PTSD. As much as people want to ‘get back out there’, and think they can return to the life they use to live, often that’s not true. ‘Wanting’ to live or do what you did before does not mean that you will be able to.”

Dr. Peck’s Books on Human Evil

Dr. Peck’s book, People of the Lie, was written in 1983. He wrote a book, A Glimpses of the Devil, in 2005. The Steve sociopath clearly made the wrong choice, in his life, and chose the path of being evil. I wonder if he needs an exorcism! I intend to read Dr. Peck’s 2005 book, Glimpses of the Devil, asap:

Cover image for Glimpses of the Devil : a psychiatrist's personal accounts of possession, exorcism, and redemption

Dr. Scott Peck, in his book Glimpses of the Devil, shares his personal accounts of possession, exorcism, and redemption in his career as a psychiatrist.

“In the tradition of his million-copy bestseller People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil, Scott Peck’s new book offers the first complete account of exorcism and possession by a modern psychiatrist in this extraordinary personal narrative of his efforts to heal patients suffering from demonic and satanic possession. He shares the details of two of his major cases.”

One was a true story of success with exorcism and the other an unsuccessful struggle against evil. In the description of this book, on Amazon, both cases are summarized: “Twenty-seven-year-old Jersey was of average intelligence; a caring and devoted wife and mother to her husband and two young daughters, she had no history of mental illness. Beccah, in her mid-forties and with a superior intellect, had suffered from profound depression throughout her life, choosing to remain in an abusive relationship with her husband, one dominated by distrust and greed. Until the day Dr. Peck first met the young woman called Jersey, he did not believe in the devil.

In fact, as a mature, highly experienced psychiatrist, he expected that this case would resolve his ongoing effort to prove to himself, as scientifically as possible, that there were absolutely no grounds for such beliefs. Yet what he discovered could not be explained away simply as madness or by any standard clinical diagnosis. Through a series of unanticipated events, Dr. Peck found himself thrust into the role of exorcist, and his desire to treat and help Jersey led him down a path of blurred boundaries between science and religion. Once there, he came face-to-face with deeply entrenched evil and ultimately witnessed the overwhelming healing power of love.

In Glimpses of the Devil, Dr. Peck’s celebrated gift for integrating psychiatry and religion is demonstrated yet again as he recounts his journey from skepticism to eventual acknowledgment of the reality of an evil spirit, even at the risk of being shunned by the medical establishment. In the process, he also finds himself compelled to confront the larger paradox of free will, of a commitment to goodness versus enslavement to the forms of evil, and the monumental clash of forces that endangers both sanity and the soul.
Glimpses of the Devil is unquestionably among Scott Peck’s most powerful, scrupulously written, and important books in many years. At once deeply sensitive and intensely chilling, it takes a clear-eyed look at one of the most mysterious and misunderstood areas of human experience.” https://www.amazon.com/Glimpses-Devil-Psychiatrists-Possession-Redemption-ebook/dp/B000FCJZPY


If we are going to fight back against this enemy, a sociopath, we must recognize who we’re dealing with. We cannot provide any defense or offense to push back unless we know who the enemy really is and what they’re thinking, what’s in their head.”

Clarity About Discerning Benevolent Narcissistic Abuse

Melanie Tonia Evans provides a video in which she shares the true definition of narcissism. This definition is validating to me. It is what I have concluded, over time, with studying overt and covert narcissistic behaviors. I concluded that human beings are like a shell when we have unprocessed trauma. When we avoid going within, we keep trauma in storage on the inside.

Trauma left in storage on the inside keeps us hypervigilant, guarded, numb, irritable, easily triggered, pretending, dissociating, tending to verbally and physically attack other people, blaming, projecting our unresolved trauma on to other people, emotionally withdrawn, isolating, holding on to body armor and tension which leads to physiological and physical disorders in addition to nutrient deficiencies, etc. It seems we add to the storage because we unconsciously react with addictive behaviors. We may become chemically dependent, mentally ill, obese, engage in abusive relationships, be self-injurious, be promiscuous, etc.

I have more difficulty with identifying the covert, the benevolent, narcissist-sociopath who hides behind good deeds. Melanie describes the benevolent narcissist and shares what I have learned. Below, I quote excerpts from her narrative (emphasis mine) and have embedded her video. I hope it helps others to discern those who pretend to care, who focus on self-image, who are easily triggered with narcissistic injury when they refuse to go within to heal trauma, and who refuse to take responsibility for harm done to others.

“The Benevolent Altruistic Narcissist Is Not Your Typical Narcissist

Many people, including myself, took a long time to work out what was going on with this narcissist. If you’ve had more typical narcissistic encounters, you know that the narcissist, once the honeymoon period is over and all the cracks appear, doesn’t tend to put themselves out for other people unless there’s a definite agenda or payoff.

When things start really breaking down in your relationship with this person, they don’t tend to hide their narcissism as much. You discover that they’re really entitled, cruel, calculating and nasty, and that’s the majority of the time. There’s less and less smatterings of the being nice.

Yet, the benevolent narcissist is often giving and caring. And even when you’ve had horrific episodes with this person, if you get through them, you find that they come back to being caring and seeming to love you.

They grant you attention and time and effort. They’re very generous with those things, but when they turn on you, it’s just as devastating as with any narcissist.

Is it any wonder that you are thinking, “How can this person be a narcissist? Surely things like entitlement and superiority wouldn’t allow this person to go over and beyond with their generosity and the way they are with people by being so giving to causes and institutions. And of course, the way that they treat me so beautifully.” Yet this person is narcissistic. Absolutely.


How you can know this is by understanding what I humbly believe the true definition of narcissism is. The true definition, I believe, is unconsciousness, meaning, “I’m not going to take responsibility for my behaviour. It’s always somebody else’s fault and I’m not going to turn within and I’m not going to do the inner work on my traumatized parts to heal them.”

“I’m not going to take responsibility and do something about myself in order to change my beliefs, my behaviour, and therefore my life.” Somebody else’s fault – always.

Narcissists when triggered into narcissistic injury – which really just means when things don’t go the way they need them to be in order to maintain their version of self – go into a narcissistic trigger, a narcissistic injury, which really usually is a narcissistic rage. It can be cold, it can be hot.

What it means is they’re either going to stonewall and abandon really cruelly, or they lash out. A benevolent narcissist, those who appear to be altruistic people, they are no different at the time of a narcissistic trigger. At these times you really can’t tell the difference between them and any other variety of narcissist. But the difference really is in how this narcissist behaves in order to get narcissistic supply.


How Does The Benevolent Narcissist Manipulate?

We need to look at how the benevolent narcissist manipulates to get people’s Life Force and energy and stuff?

This narcissist knows how to give to get. A really simple example of this would be a narcissistic parent who over gives and then could say to their child, “Look at what I do for you” to hold them to something with guilt because this is controlling.

It’s a way of giving by the altruistic narcissist to win allegiance, loyalty and servitude from people and be able to call on them, making them feel obligated to supply favours, sex, money, energy, and attention.

It’s also a very powerful method to keep people bonded to the narcissist. This ensures that they’re not going to leave and they’ll cling and get dependent on all the wonderful things that the narcissist supplies – things like regular declarations of love, oodles of compliments, words of approval, financial security. This type of narcissist commonly banks on people becoming dependent on them so that the narcissist can get out of the deal what they want. Absolutely.

We go wrong when we try to make it about trying to work out others and why they behave the way they do. When we are doing that and you’re with somebody like an altruistic narcissist, you’re walking on broken glass and you’re enduring people who are abusing you in these moments, regardless of how infrequently it may happen. Abuse is abuse.

What Narcissistic Abuse Looks Like

Here is one of the altruistic narcissist’s favourite weapons – using obligation and guilt to get you to keep handing over more of your resources to them, telling you how much they’ve done for you and how you owe them.

This narcissist knows that you’re a good person. They know that you feel guilty and obligated and they know that they can manipulate you with this to keep exploiting you and emptying you out. Please know this, one moment of abuse without consciousness, without responsibility, without remorse, without atonement, without true reconciliation is one too many.

Please know this, one moment of abuse without consciousness, without responsibility, without remorse, without atonement, without true reconciliation is one too many.

What I mean is this is abuse without course correct, and without an appropriate up level. Let’s say that this narcissist lashes out at you. They don’t apologize. They don’t take responsibility appropriately. You have to fight tooth and nail to try to get an apology. Or you have to leave for an amount of time before they are willing to put your feelings, your person, your Soul, before the defenses of their ego, which firmly holds onto, “I’m above reproach. How dare you tell me that I am somehow wrong.”

They only apologize after you leave after far too long. And here’s what’s very important – the apology isn’t genuine. You know that because you give it a little poke with a stick and it’ll unravel and they’ll start doing tit for tat and blaming you and saying, “Well, what about you and what you do wrong?”

Narcissists are also amoral – they don’t care about lying and doing the wrong thing. They really don’t. They never feel bad about doing immoral things. They feel bad about getting caught out about it. They don’t feel bad about lying, cheating and stealing. They really don’t. This particular narcissist just cloaks it by pretending to be a model citizen who’s honest, moral and practices monogamy.

How Do You Survive And Then Thrive After A Benevolent Narcissist?

Firstly, it starts by being very clear about what your values and your truths are. It means that you start to be clear that you’ve got to be prepared to let go of somebody who is abusing you. They’re not going to change so you have to make space for real relationships which are healthy. But you have to get healthy enough to honour yourself and choose your Soul. It is much better to lose somebody else than to lose your Soul.

This means no longer participating with people who don’t have the capacity to be safe and healthy. Somebody who’s unconscious, which means they’re not taking responsibility for their behaviour, and they attack others mercilessly, is always going to reoffend.

Altruistic narcissists are just very good at hiding this behind their good deeds. That’s the truth, this benevolent narcissist is a narcissist.”

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Body Armoring

Revulsion in the Presence of Evil

This is vital information to know when surviving a sociopath.

While we are in the midst of having a sociopath in our life, we are often, unconsciously, on guard. We do not realize what we are doing to our mind and body. Instead, we do our best to follow through on our daily responsibilities. But, we are not prepared for nor protected from the evil in our midst. Because we have not been educated about sociopaths, who live in our midst, we are left vulnerable, unsuspecting, and a target for the salivating sociopath.

Meanwhile, our body knows the danger in our midst. I think of Dr. Scott Peck’s book People of the Lie, once again, as he describes the danger. Dr. Peck writes: “Revulsion is a powerful emotion that immediately causes us to want to avoid, to escape, the revolting presence. And that is exactly the most appropriate thing for a healthy person to do under ordinary circumstances when confronted with an evil presence: to get away from it. Evil is revolting because it is dangerous. It will contaminate or otherwise destroy a person who remains too long in its presence. Unless you know very well what you are doing, the best thing you can do when faced with evil is to run the other way. The revulsion counter-transference is an instinctive or, if you will, God-given and saving early-warning radar system” (page 65).

Evil is revolting because it is dangerous. It will contaminate or otherwise destroy a person who remains too long in its presence. Unless you know very well what you are doing, the best thing you can do when faced with evil is to run the other way.

“Evil has to do not only with killing bodies, but also with killing spirits. Life includes besides heartbeats and brainwaves such things as “sentience, mobility, awareness, growth, autonomy, will.” Some people try to kill these things in others. So Erich Fromm says in The Heart of Man that evil people try to control others, “to foster their dependency, to discourage their capacity to think for themselves, to diminish their unpredictability and originality, to keep them in line.” The evil want to turn others into their puppets—“by contrast to Jesus’ ‘abundant life.’” (pg 42-43)

So, while the mind and body are being destroyed by the sociopath, the unsuspecting target is suffering body tension and heading toward chronic illness. The sociopath enjoys this breakdown because the target becomes easier to control. Eventually, the breakdown of health, in mind and body for the target, will result in collapse. With collapse, the sociopath can no longer indulge in narcissistic supply and easily discards the target. The sociopath immediately seeks new narcissistic supply (with no care for the person he/she destroyed).

Involuntary Tension

Sarah Sherwood is an Embodiment Coach, Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner and Non-Linear Movement Method Facilitator. She specializes in working with how trauma and overwhelming stress cause uncomfortable feelings in our bodies and unhealthy patterns of behavior that hold us back from the fullness of life. She helps clients resolve these reactions through regulating the nervous system.

Sarah writes about long held tension patterns. She says “these long held tension patterns are called “body armoring”. Armoring can be defined as chronic patterns of involuntary tension in the body that dampen or block emotional expression, alter perception of both the outer and the inner psychological world, diminish or eliminate kinesthetic awareness and other sensations, and resist range of motion and movement (Greene and Goodrich-Dunn).

Body armoring is different from waking up with a crick in your neck or creating tension in your low back from raking leaves. It has a chronic and resistant nature that reflects the psychological defenses from which it originates. To protect itself from perceived threat, the body takes a defensive, tight, tense stance; bracing itself for what is coming. The body doesn’t differentiate between bracing for a car accident, a wounding word from a bully, or the absence of presence from our caretakers as children.

These defense responses happen involuntarily and most often outside awareness.  Common protective (defensive) survival responses include: shallow/restricted breathing, raised shoulders, tightened jaw, clenched fists, tense focus and pressure in the eyes, grinding teeth, restless legs, fidgeting, and numbness or feeling disconnected.

Scientific studies give proof that somatic (of the body) and visceral (felt in or as if in the internal organs of the body; gut) feedback is critical in the experience and/or repression of emotion. Body armoring can disconnect different parts of the body from awareness, may cause a person to experience the body as anesthetized, or even have the sense that they are invisible, thereby cutting us off from our full range of life experience.

Kinesthetic Awareness is Critical

Kinesthetic awareness is critical in knowing how we feel and attunement to these sensations is a building block of self-perception. When we are disconnected from our felt sense because of the effects of body armoring, there is a direct breakdown in our ability to know who we are, what we want and need, resulting in difficulty determining what our direction in life should be.

The converse is also true. Body armoring can create a heightened or hyper awareness of sensation creating a constant experience of pain. We may become flooded with awareness of a certain area of the body, or generalized pain, limiting our capacity to take in our life experience. These neural tension patterns are automatic and the contraction/restriction in the soft tissue is triggered when we respond to stress in our current situation.

A common expression of this is raising our shoulders when in a stressful situation. This is a primal impulse to protect ourselves by making us appear bigger, even though it may have no modern day impact on the computer screen that’s been hovering over us for 10 hours or the deadline that is breathing down our neck.  This involuntary response often leads to discomfort between the shoulder blades, neck pain and stiffness, and headaches that originate from the base of the skull. A consistent amount of stress will create a chronic experience of pain. Sarah states the good news:

The good news is that although these patterns may be unconscious and involuntary they don’t have to be permanent

Dr. Peck speaks to the massive fortification we use to survive sociopaths: “If evil were easy to recognize, identify, and manage, there would be no need for this book. But the fact of the matter is that it is the most difficult of all things with which to cope. If we, as objectively detached, mature adults, have great difficulty coming to terms with evil, think of what it must be like for the child living in its midst. The child can emotionally survive only by virtue of a massive fortification of its psyche. While such fortifications or psychological defenses are essential to its survival through childhood, they inevitably distort or compromise its life as an adult” (People of the Lie, page 130)

The child can emotionally survive only by virtue of a massive fortification of its psyche. While such fortifications or psychological defenses are essential to its survival through childhood, they inevitably distort or compromise its life as an adult

Sad, Tragic Fact

I look back on my life experience and remember the first time I felt revulsion and confusion with the sociopath. We were dating, I was walking alone on a city street, and my boyfriend (unknown at the time that he was a sociopath) pulled up beside me in his vehicle. I remember thinking it was odd he knew where I was. I now realize it meant he was stalking and was obsessed with knowing my whereabouts. At the time, I did not know what it meant. Now I definitely know it was an inner warning.

There were many other warnings in my life. But, I had body armored for so long, and had seen so much dysfunction, I was in survival with little kinesthetic awareness. I was unable to hear my intuitive voice. I was told, years later by a therapist, that we freeze with trauma so that the “hair on the back of our neck no longer stands up”. I had lived walking on eggshells to survive my childhood and then continued the pattern into marriage. The lack of paying attention to inner warnings added layer after layer of armoring. In addition, the denial of evil all around us, in both family and culture, socialized me to ignore the feeling of revulsion in the presence of evil. Back then, I did not know there was such a feeling.


Being stuck in massive fortification, body armoring, denial, family and cultural programming, chronic illness, etc. are not permanent. Sarah emphasizes resilience, of human beings, when facing life challenge. She says: “I was faced with a decision: Would I be held captive by my life circumstances, or would I choose to see this as an opportunity? I learned every moment of every hour of every day in every situation I had a choice: Become a Victim or Embrace Opportunity.

Become a Victim or Embrace Opportunity

Being a victim meant feeling stuck, uncertain about my future, and overwhelmed by my circumstances. Embracing opportunity meant taking the next step, not giving up and strengthening my mind through what I chose to focus on – what I chose to believe.

Receiving the gift of this opportunity allowed my faith to become resilient and my trust in God to become secure. Hopeful, I believed there was a higher purpose in it all, for the greater good. Learning how to live a complete, free and fulfilling life was a hard-fought process. (https://sarah-sherwood.com/my-story/)

Emotional Health


Once we escape from the sociopath, we have much healing to do of the mind and body. I recall my body, being armored for so long, that I had much muscle tension and physical pain. I needed a safe place which could not be found because the sociopath continued to harass, stalk, and assault. When I could finally find safety and get some rest, I began the process of settling down my nervous system. The good news is that it can be done. I feel good today and have healed naturally. I hope for the same for my children so they find total recovery after surviving pure evil in both their sociopath father and the evil family court system. I hope for total recovery of all survivors of sociopathy.


Letter to Children About Healing Generational Trauma

Below is a letter I read and deeply related to. It was written by “Caroline” in an online support group. So, I cannot violate her privacy by sharing her full name nor the name of the support group. I wanted to capture her words because I resonated with her experience. She, too, experienced reality when the narcissistic/sociopath removed his mask with a vengeance. She had to face the reality of how a narcissist/sociopath doesn’t genuinely care about his family. I related to her deep concern about how the sociopath will affect child development. We have a similar passion with being dedicated to healing of our children, self, other people who suffer, and passing on a spiritual legacy of healing. I revised her letter to include specifics of my experience with a sociopath:

A letter to my children….

I tried so hard, with all of my strength, will and determination. But I had to accept defeat. I left the ring kicking and screaming, pleading to be given one more chance at fixing what was lost, though my higher self whispered ‘it is time’. Neither I, nor my children, could deal with the ongoing brutality from the sociopath.

Whenever I had to break the news, my heart felt stuck with not wanting to see you experience a “broken” family. My throat swelled, my eyes produced a torrent of tears and my heart sliced into three pieces, one piece for each of you. I requested a couple’s weekend retreat, marital therapy, pastoral counseling, and then mediation. These all lasted usually one time, the sociopath became angry, and became violent or quit.

I had stumbled as a mother, a woman and a wife. I grappled for a decade to save the crumbling landslide that presented itself daily. As I contained one slide, another one appeared, some days four or five land slips had me tumbling downhill, spinning and spiraling, landing in a pit of devastation. I was unable to figure out how to save the marriage. I was in denial of the fact that I was living with an extremely disordered person who was unwilling to get help for his sadistic behaviors. My health broke down after decades of surviving domestic violence as a child, wife, and mother.

I did not wish for this, for you, or for myself. But the universe clearly had a bigger plan in mind for me. No matter how hard I tried to run, deviate and hide, I was caught, captured, and returned back to the boxing ring to see the fight to its completion. There was no escaping, not until our soul contract had fully ended. I had to learn what evil truly is. I had to learn that a sociopath is too weak, cowardly, unstable, greedy, and without empathy and conscience even for his biological children.

My body ached, it aged, wilted, shrunk and shriveled. As a committed full time role model to you innocent souls, I was teaching you how NOT to live and love. You became my driving force to finally release the shackles that bound me to my despair and set myself free.

I was teaching you how NOT to live and love. You became my driving force to finally release the shackles that bound me to my despair and set myself free.

As a doting mother I would sacrifice my life for each of you. I would walk over broken glass to save you, without question or explanation, hand on heart I am there. I wanted to be there no matter what.

For years I attended every concert, school sporting event, birthday party, gathering and sick bay, showing up without judgement or shame, with love and compassion, the kind of love we all deserve. You spoke and I listened, you showed your softer side and I lovingly kneeled beside you, no words needed, just presence and tender loving care.

I deliberated, soul searched, questioned and ruminated, eventually realizing the marriage was a death trap and detrimental to our future wellbeing. Leaving your father became the greatest escape of my life thus far.

Leaving your father became the greatest escape of my life thus far.

But how could I explain it to you without carrying the burden of guilt that was instilled in childhood, and reaffirmed to me by your father throughout our marriage. I was at fault for becoming ill in an abusive marriage just as I was to blame for not being perfect nor good enough to please my dysfunctional parents.

When dealing with narcissism and sociopathy, there are no winners. There is no understanding, compassion or empathy. There is a bag of green, jealous, angry, envious, resentful chaos, which, no matter what you say, will always land heavily on your shoulders.

I donned my suit of armor, parked in my lane and was forced to prepare myself for combat. I was dragged through the mud of the sociopath’s smear campaign. I was not prepared for the war because I knew nothing about sociopaths at that time (nor the family court crisis in the illegal “justice” system). I had no comprehension that there could be, at the other side, a nice warm bath where I could clean up and dry my wounds. Abrasions may feel sore and painful, but eventually they heal, in the same way that my broken, deflated heart was about to.

To my sons and daughter: you know how committed, loyal and devoted I am as a person. So there need be no questioning on your part about my integrity or promise within the marriage. The divorce was rough as we were repeatedly assaulted, in so many ways, by the sociopath while the illegal “justice” system did not care. We were confused and overwhelmed with what to do to end the madness while the sociopath continued to brutalize our family. The sociopath obsessed and actively worked to destroy our mother-child bonds.

You interrogated me as your confused little minds tried to make sense of your current reality. There was so much outward tension while struggling to survive the sociopath. You felt safer with taking your pain and confusion out on me because the sociopath was far too dangerous and did not care. Worse, he enjoyed hurting us so he could win and maintain control.

I tried to answer doing my best to relieve you of worry and fear. I could offer little reassurance that life would remain the same. The sociopath had taken off his mask and was hurling full blown emotional, physical and financial assaults toward his family. We had no solid routine because the sociopath was determined to undermine my efforts to provide security. To achieve the least amount of disruption in our lives, I tried to instill a coparenting plan, but your father wanted none of it. He preferred to show up ad hoc, change plans at the last minute, and fail to give prior notice of his intentions. He broke in, vandalized, stalked, abused, and harassed. Very quickly we all realized you were never the priority when it came to your father. His actions proved that we are easy to discard unless we blindly obey his commands.

I had no control over the way your father showed up for you. In the marriage, I was able to sugar coat his lack of empathy and connection. However, with divorce, he was left to his own devices. He was about to reveal to you his ‘real self’ and the truth was about to hit you fast and hard.

He was about to reveal to you his ‘real self’ and the truth was about to hit you fast and hard.

Stepping away from trying to fix his relationship for you was to be my biggest learning curve. I was seen as the one trying to control and demand, when in fact I was desperately trying to seal three broken hearts, whilst also trying to mend my own. It became a s%&t show. He had no interest in a healthy coparenting relationship with me. Meanwhile, he put his public mask on, so he could pretend to be a good parent. He masqueraded as such in court after swearing to tell the truth. He used his mask, at will, to fool the guardian ad litem, a therapist, law enforcement, family, etc. Even the graduate level therapist got conned.

Over time, one by one, you were smart enough to see what was going on beneath the surface. You said things like ‘dad doesn’t care’ and ‘you mean my father is a liar’? Meanwhile I was panicking and fretting about your own future. I knew how important this male role model was in your development. I concluded that he was a role model who is detrimental to your development. I concluded you needed safety more than you needed a father who brutalized his children. I needed to take control of myself, in order to pass on the teachings, that you could ‘take or leave’ as you entered and navigated adolescence and adulthood.

No matter what kind of unwelcome disorder is erupting around you, underneath, or above you, I want you all to know that you matter. Even if your father, or grandparents, are not able to meet your basic emotional needs, it does not mean that you are unlovable. You are worthy and deserving. You are loved and cared about, warts and all, even if the other isn’t capable of reciprocating or validating you in the way that you deserve.

You are worthy and deserving. You are loved and cared about, warts and all, even if the other isn’t capable of reciprocating or validating you in the way that you deserve.


I want you to know that my healing journey is a gift to you. I have walked through hell and high water to heal all of my generational traumas and wounds in order to set you free with love, excitement, pride, wonder and encouragement.

I was more than prepared to save you externally. However at the time, little did I know that it was in the INTERNAL rescuing of myself that I would ONLY be able to save you from the prey that was hovering above and beyond. I picked myself up off the floor so that I could hand you a lifeline. I lifted my aching limbs off the ground so that I could teach you self love, self respect, dignity, humanity, self worth, boundaries, intuition, the feeling of being good enough, what joy and laughter should look like, how to feel your inner knowing, trust your gut and connect to your pure hearts.

I picked up the shattered pieces of my life so I could hand you a lifeline. I lifted my aching limbs off the ground so that I could teach you self love, self respect, dignity, humanity, self worth, boundaries, intuition, the feeling of being good enough, what joy and laughter should look like, how to feel your inner knowing, trust your gut and connect to your pure hearts.

One important life lesson in this separation, for my sons, is for me to show you how to treat a woman. Learn how to hold her, support her, care for her, love her, and show her that you are a man of your word. Let your significant other feel safe and protected by your side. Let her know that you will not silence, punish or resent her for saying ‘no’, or for having an opinion or choice that may not align with you.

One important life lesson in this separation, for my daughter, is for me to show you that women can no longer tolerate abuse from toxic male domination. You cannot allow yourself to be mistreated by those who feel entitled to take their issues out on females. Instead, you heal your inner wounds and then open your heart to a gentleman who will be strong, protective and supportive.

We need a healthy balance. We need to be nurturing and sensitive toward one another. At the same time, we need respectful boundaries so we are not tolerating bad behavior.

As you observe me reaching out to the world with my words of soul expression, inspiration and courage, you are fully aware that I am intent on leaving a huge legacy behind. Everyone deserves to feel worthy of love and belonging. Every human on this planet needs connection, safety and affection, it is our primal need in order to survive.

Every human on this planet needs connection, safety and affection, it is our primal need in order to survive.

I will hand hold every broken-hearted individual who is currently sitting in their darkness. I will guide men, women and children who have lost their way back into the light. I will navigate them back home to rediscover their sense of worth and inner love.


Child Rescue From the Sociopath’s Mind Control

When I suffered parental alienation, because of the obsessed alienator, Steve sociopath, I felt stuck in a painful quagmire. Like every protective parent, I was desperate to maintain connection with my children. I had already suffered to the extreme and could not imagine loss of my children in addition.

Thus, I tried telling the truth to set the record straight. I knew the sociopath had traumatized, lied and manipulated our children. The problem was that neither the corrupt court system nor my traumatized children were willing to hear the truth. My approach backfired because the system is entrenched in misogynistic, patriarchal domination. At the same time, my children were traumatized, brainwashed, in survival, in deep pain, and had been put in the middle for too long.

I was, once again, traumatized and in despair. I wondered:

  • what did I do wrong?
  • am I being punished for some reason?
  • will my children be like their father?
  • do I go to court to exercise my basic rights?
  • will I ever see my children again?

It was emotional torture. I searched for understanding as to why it happened. It took a long time to come close to accepting what was happening. I got involved in online “parents grieving living children” support groups. I read about suicides (even a parent dropping dead in a courtroom when children were taken away) when parents could not bear the loss and injustice. Worse is that the sociopath continued his manipulation, using our children, and rubbing the loss in my face as much as possible. Using our children became his main source of narcissistic supply because the sociopath knew the bond I have with our children. It was his mainline strategy for destroying the mother.

Child Dying on Inside, from Parental Alienation, While Sociopath Does Not Care

Ryan Thomas is an adult who is currently educating and supporting alienated parents. He suffered alienation, from his father, because of his mother and the “regime”. He is currently reunited with his father and exposes the tactics used to manipulate and alienate children from a protective parent. In his video, below, he says:

  • there is no feeling more painful than when your child rejects you
  • when your child is angry and hurt, they lash out with venom which takes your breath away
  • their silence leaves you alone
  • they’re being turned against you (betrayed) by their very own parent
  • they are under crushing pressure to dehumanize their protective parent
  • they are programmed, by the alienator, to believe their protective parent is the parent who is causing stress and chaos in their life
  • they are programmed to believe that what is good and kind, from the protective parent, is twisted into evil and intrusive i.e. if the protective parent gives the child a gift, the gift is criticized. If the protective parent backs off, the parent is accused of not caring and abandoning the child. If the protective parent makes contact, there is chaos and the protective parent is blamed. It is insanity. It is walking on eggshells all over again. The protective parent doesn’t know what to say or do because no matter what they do, it is condemned. It is like the child becomes a stranger
  • the alienator watches the child’s reaction. If the child says anything good about the protective parent, it’s not going to fly. The alienator will not allow the child to be disloyal
  • the alienator unravels years of loving connections to the child
  • the alienator’s regime backs up the lies and manipulations while the court stands by and lets it happen
  • the child doesn’t have the same logic as the protective parent. The child doesn’t have the ability to express him or herself. The child cannot break free from the prison on their own. They need someone to rescue them.
  • the protective parent keeps reaching out only to have their messages fall on total silence. This is because the child’s voice was robbed, kidnapped, and under a gag order. The child has to avoid emotional abuse from the regime
  • despite the child’s protest and silence, the child is slowly dying inside by not having a relationship with their protective parent. The child is a brainwashed prisoner. The child finds it easier to push their other parent away rather than deal with the wrath of the selfish parent who is hell bent on ending the relationship with the other parent

The child cannot break free from the prison on their own. They need someone to rescue them.

Protective Mother, Dying on Inside from Parental Alienation, While Sociopath Enjoys the Suffering

The sociopath enjoys blowing his family apart with divide and conquer manipulations. Both the mother and children suffer deeply from estrangement caused by the obsessed alienator. How the mother suffers is:

  • when society, typically, says she ‘must have done something wrong. A child would not reject for no reason’
  • when everyone around you says nothing can be done
  • the mother doubles down with trying to explain, to set the record straight, which makes it worse
  • the mother sees the time ticking by, days to years, while missing her children
  • the mother has to avoid the alienator’s traps
  • the mother is not alone nor crazy. Many parents are suffering alienation from their child(ren)
  • the alienated parent may be the only one to create a breakthrough. We have to change the way we think and access personal power
  • saying ‘I love you and I miss you’ doesn’t work
  • need to create lightbulb moments, draw them rather than chase after them; send texts, emails; share your story with others without pissing them off; avoid getting pulled into drama; respond rather than react; no ultimatums; need relationship accelerators to strengthen and deepen relationship. The protective parent gives something to the child the child alienator can’t give. The biggest message is that there are options/tools to make a difference
  • the alienated parent is always thinking about their lost child
  • stay in the powerful moment and remember it when times get tough

Ryan states that he finally discovered lies and manipulations, from the alienator, two decades later. He teaches that healing is a process. It is a marathon. There is not a magic phrase that saves everything. Alienated parents need to think of how their child feels and decide how they can best love their child from a distance. The alienated parent is a lifeline to the child. Ryan encourages alienated parents to never give up, keep reaching out to the child even if one gets nothing in return, and take breaks if needed

Ryan teaches that the child needs a reason, an excuse, a way out to say ‘I can let you back in my life now. I’m going to soften because something has changed in you’. The alienated parent may apologize for not being able to be there, validate their emotions, say ‘I understand how you’re feeling’, and acknowledge their pain is real. The years of chaos and torment, created by the alienator, is real, terrible, and difficult. If we try to set the record straight, they think what they are feeling didn’t really happen. Ryan says he started putting it together, for several years, but still felt a loyalty to the alienator.

Can we save our child from the abusive, narcissistic alienator who is shaping our child’s view and is detrimental? The child needs to feel a connection, to the protective parent, no matter what the alienator says.

With gift giving, think of something which is extremely significant to the child. What can we connect from the past, or heard they like through the grapevine, not just writing a check? Create something that speaks to them inside.

Reconnect Film – Rejected to Accepted by Ryan Thomas

Ryan provides a beautiful, sensory meditation at the end of his presentation. He says ‘imagine feeling like you can hug your child forever. You want to savor the moment and share a lifetime of love in that hug. You continue to press and hold on to your child. You feel a transfer of love, acceptance and togetherness. You look at your child, every detail, their eyes, nose, face, and brush your hand through their hairs, looking into their eyes. You receive from them all of the love, compassion, and acceptance you’ve ever wanted.

In their eyes, you see love as never seen before and a desire to be with you. You don’t worry about words to say. Just stay in the moment, release the stare, shift and hold on to each other, arm in arm. Both look out into unending mountain range of possibilities with pinks and oranges saturating and warming you. You stand united knowing your embrace says just how much you’ve loved each other. You have tears of joy stream down your face and look around feeling so grateful. You both are filled with such peace, in this moment, and are able to express love for your child as your child expresses love for you as well. You soak up the moment and believe in the moment. Your child can feel your love and your child feels your love. You have a moment you can have forever, reunited, and can always return to this moment to relive it with your child.

Why the Sociopath Has Fury

The sociopath has inner turmoil, demonic destructive energies, from within. The problem is that the sociopath is like teflon. This means he/she takes no responsibility and insists the problem is with their target. The target is the person who is supposed to meet all needs, of the sociopath, without question nor resistance. Do they really believe this one-sided, narcissistic demand, will work? Yes, sociopaths do and they expect compliance or they will punish. But reality dictates their strategy will fail once people identify what evil truly is.

The main problem, of the sociopath, is that evil hates the light

“Evil people hate the light because it reveals themselves to themselves. They hate goodness because it reveals their badness; they hate love because it reveals their laziness. They will destroy the light, the goodness, the love in order to avoid the pain of such self-awareness.” (People of the Lie, page 278).

Other problems which accumulate, for the sociopath are:

  • fear of exposure
  • people figure out who they are
  • people reject them or implement protective boundaries when they’ve had enough
  • the sociopath suffers narcissistic collapse when they lose narcissistic supply
  • an inability or refusal to look within or have hope of recovery
  • health problems as they age
  • realization they never achieved their delusional, idealistic life in spite of their indulgences
  • no genuine, loving relationships
  • a dishonorable legacy
  • end of life terror for facing their lifetime, trail of destruction
  • fury when targets survive their intended destruction, move on, and create a healthier life

Time eventually exposes how the life of a sociopath is nothing to be envied

Contentment, Health, and Confidence

After suffering much, at the hands of the sociopath in my life, the meme (below) is a marker for me. This is because I was eventually able to transform and move beyond the damage the sociopath inflicted. There were decades of turmoil, pain, trauma, excessive loss, poor health, and daily demands to simply survive. At times, I prepared for early end of life because of unrelenting exhaustion and pain. The sociopath appeared to be winning and causing much pain which made him happy. The worst was the damage he did to our children. The sociopath simply cruised forward, at high speed, did whatever he wanted, and got away with most of his evil doings.

The sociopath got everything he wanted. He got the “fun” he wanted when he abandoned his family. He got partying, absent parenting, continued brutality for approximately ten years after divorce while he harassed, stalked, and assaulted his family. He got multiple wives and stepchildren, exotic vacations, corvette, fake exalted image as he covered up his crimes with lies, etc. However, in present time, his life is nothing I would want. He appears to have slithered away from family, has severe health problems, and a miserable marriage (to my knowledge).

In present time, I found contentment, health, and confidence:


I stayed the course no matter how severe. It was grueling. I encourage all other survivors to stay the course no matter how severe. Take care of yourself. Take care of your children if you are a parent. I had to learn to:

  • stop being too nice and being stuck in the tender, empathy trap
  • implement self-protective boundaries
  • access EMDR so I could release trauma and be in tune with intuition
  • trust gut instincts when something does not feel right
  • be ready to say ‘no thanks’, ‘hell no’ and/or walk away when instinct warns of danger
  • live as simply as possible
  • take time to rest
  • let go of relationships which consistently cause pain
  • do not feel guilty when people project their issues
  • eat whole organic foods as much as possible
  • avoid pharmaceutical drugs as much as possible
  • consider HTMA (hair tissue mineral analysis) to diagnose possible copper toxicity and imbalanced mineral patterns
  • examine what I lived and learned in developmental years
  • study parental alienation so that the sociopath is unable to destroy bonds between a mother and her children
  • investigate family court corruption so the protective parent refuses to accept victim blaming
  • avoid romantic relationships unless a partner is self-aware, has empathy, communicates respectfully, and takes responsibility for his healing
  • learn to enjoy solitude
  • recognize personal strengths which helped me survive and overcome evil

I encourage all survivors of sociopaths to stay the course no matter how severe the dark night of the soul

Choosing a path of recovery, I treasure:

Contentment: After so much stress, anxiety, loss and PTSD, I am content. I feel thrilled to be rid of the sociopath. I am grateful for what I’ve learned. I am conscious and spiritually connected. I pass on what I’ve learned, to my children, so they hopefully do not repeat the pattern. I believe I am fulfilling my sacred contract of coming to planet Earth to transcend evil, break the pattern of intergenerational trauma, and awaken to being spiritually conscious. I enjoy the simple things in life and am grateful I can pay my bills.

Health: After suffering chronic illness, since I was a child, I now have health restored (for the most part). I take no pharmaceutical medications and I discontinued apothecary compounds. HTMA is the foundation of my healthcare especially since detoxing copper has made a significant difference. I eat simple, whole, organic (as much as possible) foods which seems to be what our Creator intended. I support my children so they may recover their health after surviving the sociopath.

Confidence: I recall the years I could not trust myself to make choices. I was traumatized and had suffered an extreme amount of gaslighting from people who did not want to face truth nor work on their issues. I used to be an empath, without self-protective boundaries, so I felt deeply and took too much responsibility for fixing what I did not break. I learned my lessons and have learned to mind my own business. I have confidence from knowing I made decisions which led to my survival and recovery. I look to the heroic journey, by Dr. Joseph Campbell, to view life as an adventure which tests our faith, our life skills, our resilience, etc. The following is a movie based on Joseph Campbell’s philosophy about the heroic journey:

The Heroic Journey, Melissa M Bradley-Ball

Melissa M. Bradley-Ball provided a seminar when I was employed as a Social Worker. I remember the day I received notice of the training she planned to provide in St. Cloud, MN. I was excited, quickly registered for the training, and am glad I did. The training was excellent. Looking at life, as a heroic journey, moves us toward looking at life from both a higher and universal perspective. The perspective, of being on a heroic journey, moves us away from feeling victimized. Also, we look within and see who we really are versus holding on to the negative projections we’ve heard from other people:

Melissa Bradley helps clients to navigate the heroic journey

Melissa (Missy) Bradley-Ball, MS, NCC, BCETS, FAAETS, is a nationally recognized clinical educator, corporate consultant, family mediator, and author with over 37 years of experience as a psychotherapist, providing individual, group, and family therapy. She earned her Bachelor of Science in Music Education and Master of Counseling Psychology from the University of Tennessee. Her extensive EMDR training (Level I, II, and specialized protocols) helped her become a trailblazer in the field of sexual trauma through a Resilience and Post-Traumatic Growth model and she often trains personnel at medical/mental health agencies, universities, school systems, and other facilities. An in-demand Child Sexual Abuse Investigator, expert court witness, and subject matter expert on sexual assault with the Pentagon, Mrs. Bradley-Ball has conducted seminars for more than 300,000 medical, behavioral health, law enforcement, educators, clergy, and military personnel, as well as members of the public throughout the U.S., Canada, and Central America. She was a primary speaker for the first National Conference on Post-Traumatic Growth in 2011.”  https://catalog.pesi.com/speaker/melissa-missy-bradleyball-512663


The Heroic Journey – Life’s Great Adventure.pdf:

Moral Universe is Long As it Bends Toward Justice

It was a dance with a devil.

I survived.

I became conscious.

It looked like evil won.

The sociopath, eventually, loses everything of true value.

2508261-Theodore-Parker-Quote-I-do-not-pretend-to-understand-the-moral.jpg (3840×2160) (quotefancy.com)

Where is God When Surviving Evil?

(This is a deep dive, for those who wish to explore the spiritual meaning of life, especially while enduring a dark night of the soul)

Religion teaches that God is omnipotent and that God is in control. I was taught, through religion and new age, that God loves us, protects us, meets our needs, and that “he” provides justice. I learned that God was like a loving father and that we could have a loving relationship with him. This, I now believe, is toxic, fake, patriarchal religion. This is a fabricated god outside of ourselves that we must: 1) please or go to hell, 2) pray to and ask for favors, 3) follow many rules in order to please him, and 4) do the right thing or we could incur god’s wrath. All of this demanded submission and passive waiting for this religious god to help us, leaves us disempowered. We end up feeling victim when needs are not met (especially if we suffered injury or death). This makes no sense in the real world. It results in a victim mentality and anger at the religious god.

What if we try telling these false beliefs to children who are trafficked and are alone every night without their loving parents? What if we tell this to soldiers who are cannon fodder on battlefields, who prayed in desperation while needing cover in foxholes, but were left mutilated and/or murdered? What about those who died in mass in the plandemic from infection or from the experimental jab? What about those with chronic illness who suffer endlessly and die a painful death? I have read comments in historical records, from women burnt at the stake, from those who survived the holocaust, and other various severe life experiences. To me, they all sound traumatized with wondering ‘where is God to allow so much evil’?

I have lived through enough and seen/read of too many horrors, told by real people on this planet, which cause me to disbelieve what religion taught me as a child. I have had to figure out a new, realistic spiritual belief system. I look to other horrific, true stories which expose, for example, what other people have survived and what they concluded:

Rubin Carter True Story

“In 1967, the black boxer Rubin “Hurricane” Carter and a young acquaintance, John Artis, were wrongly convicted of triple murder by an all-white jury in Paterson, New Jersey. Over the next decade, Carter gradually amassed convincing evidence of his innocence and the vocal support of celebrities from Bob Dylan to Muhammad Ali. He was freed in 1976 pending a new trial, but he lost his appeal — to the amazement of many — and landed back in prison.

Carter, bereft, shunned almost all human contact until he received a letter from Lesra Martin, a teenager raised in a Brooklyn ghetto. Against his bitter instincts, Carter agreed to meet with Martin, thus taking the first step on a tortuous path back to the world. Martin introduced him to an enigmatic group of Canadians who helped wage a successful battle to free him. As Carter orchestrated this effort from his cell, he also embarked on a singular intellectual journey, which led ultimately to a freedom more profound than any that could be granted by a legal.” https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/138060.Hurricane


Jack Favor True Story


Still Holding On: The Legend of Cadillac Jack (1988) is a true story. It is a story about a prominent couple from Bossier City, Louisiana, who were killed execution-style during an apparent robbery. On the word of a known liar, Jack Favor is framed for double murder, in 1967, and wrongfully accused. Jack is arrested and charged for the murder. He is imprisoned in Angola prison, Louisiana. He endured a long battle to clear his name. His wife worked to apprehend justice while, on the inside, Jack used his talents to inspire his fellow inmates. https://www.law.umich.edu/special/exoneration/Pages/casedetailpre1989.aspx?caseid=93

Elizabeth Packard True Story


“1860: As the clash between the states rolls slowly to a boil, Elizabeth Packard, housewife and mother of six, is facing her own battle. The enemy sits across the table and sleeps in the next room. Her husband of twenty-one years is plotting against her because he feels increasingly threatened—by Elizabeth’s intellect, independence, and unwillingness to stifle her own thoughts. So Theophilus makes a plan to put his wife back in her place. One summer morning, he has her committed to an insane asylum.

The horrific conditions inside the Illinois State Hospital in Jacksonville, Illinois, are overseen by Dr. Andrew McFarland, a man who will prove to be even more dangerous to Elizabeth than her traitorous husband. But most disturbing is that Elizabeth is not the only sane woman confined to the institution. There are many rational women on her ward who tell the same story: they’ve been committed not because they need medical treatment, but to keep them in line—conveniently labeled “crazy” so their voices are ignored.

No one is willing to fight for their freedom and, disenfranchised both by gender and the stigma of their supposed madness, they cannot possibly fight for themselves. But Elizabeth is about to discover that the merit of losing everything is that you then have nothing to lose…The Woman They Could Not Silence is a remarkable story of perseverance in an unjust and hostile world.”—Susannah Cahalan“.

Clemens Forell True Story


“Originally published in 1955, this must be one of the most dramatic adventures of our time. Clemens Forell, a German soldier, was sentenced to 25 years of forced labour in a Siberian lead mine after the Second World War. Rebelling against the brutality of the camp, Forell staged a daring escape, enduring an 8000-mile journey across the trackless wastes of Siberia, in some of the most treacherous and inhospitable conditions on earth. Bauer’s writing brilliantly evokes Forell’s desperation in the prison camp, and his struggle for survival and terror of recapture as he makes his way towards the Persian frontier and freedom.”

In these horrendous life situations, we learn that praying to a fake man in the sky is futile and leads to despair. We learn we have to get deprogrammed from religious brainwashing that tells us god will fix our problems, that god will protect us from all harm, and that we are doing something wrong if bad things happen in our lives. We cannot risk these childish, magical, victim blaming, religious beliefs while needing to survive multiple horrors on what often seems to be planet hell.

I have concluded that the bible and religion have been infiltrated by evil. We now know that we live in a pathocracy ruled by sociopaths and psychopaths. As long as these infiltrators are successful with getting us to believe that we must forgive and forget, and never be angry nor be responsible for pushing back the darkness, we will be passive and disempowered. We will tolerate evil on this planet. We can easily see what being passive has done to this planet. We are now saturated by evil forces who are destroying freedom, human rights to medical choice, access to food supply and clean water, basic human rights to safety, abolishing justice in the “justice system”, etc.

When we suffer, do we blame the religious god because we are taught he is “in control”? If he is in control, how can he bear watching children suffer child trafficking, torture, and death? That, to me, is the worst and where I draw the line. There is no way I can believe that a religious, loving, omnipotent god allows this, for any reason, other than such a fabricated god is incredibly sadistic and sociopathic. It does not make sense. Believing such religion keeps us from looking at those who infiltrated and brainwashed us with these fake, religious ideologies – some of what is in the bible.

Comedian George Carlin About Religion

I used to believe religion and the bible, with great sincerity, until I saw too many contradictions. I then decided to get deprogrammed and to construct a new belief system based in spirituality. I believe that “God, or a source of divinity”, exists but not as described by religion.


Dr. Scott Peck helps us realize that God gave us free will. Dr. Peck says that “having forsaken force, God is impotent to prevent the atrocities that we commit upon one another. He can only continue to grieve with us. He will offer us Himself in all His wisdom, but He cannot make us choose to abide with Him” (People of the Lie, page.205).

First of all, how do we know God is male?


Renowned psychic Sylvia Browne, says “we believe in a Mother God, who is co-Creator with our all-loving Father God.” In her book, If You Could See What I See, she shares the Gnostic tenets of her church Novus Spiritus. She states that “God does not create the adversities in life. By your own choice they exist to aid in your perfection”:


What about Universal Law? Is God a force, a creative energy in the universe, in which laws of nature are expressed in physics?


I believe that we do not pray so that a god in the sky will fix our problems for us. Instead, we pray, we meditate, so we are guided by our Creator, a force of goodness and accountability, from within. We have access to a source of wisdom, conviction, and strength within our human body. I believe our priority is to stay spiritually connected as we walk, talk, and breathe throughout each day.

I believe we experience adversity because our planet is saturated by evil forces which seek to destroy humanity. We must turn our anger and division away from one another. It is urgent, instead, that we turn our anger toward evil criminals, in this pathocracy, who are committing horrendous crimes against humanity (and have been for a long time). These global criminals must face accountability for their crimes so humanity is no longer enslaved.



Rubin Carter, Jack Favor, Elizabeth Packard, and Clemens Forell all suffered deeply in their life experience. They had to dig deep within in order to survive. Each of them connected to a vital source of wisdom and strength, from within, because there was nothing in their external world to save them. I think they found meaning, in their lives, by overcoming the forces that tried to destroy them and by demonstrating great character. Their stories are shared, to this day, because the horrors they survived are an inspiration to others who suffer.

For me, I am inspired by the stories of these heroes and heroine. I know that adversity caused me to become conscious. Carolyn Myss, in her Energy Anatomy teachings, asked ‘why do we have to go through so much to become conscious’? It seems as if the more I suffered, the more I searched for understanding of what was happening and why. I studied the dark side of life, decided I want nothing to do with it, and concluded that evil is a wrecking ball which needs to be stopped. Through adversity, we need to stay spiritually guided, in order to survive, and so we learn and grow. I embraced my personal power by rejecting darkness and by becoming conscious:


In Conclusion: The Journey to Consciousness

Where is God when surviving evil? I think it’s the way life is: the heroic journey. Adversity requires strength of character to survive and develop character. With adversity, we have to decide if we will evolve, learn and grow, or if we will devolve. It is a journey which can wake us up to no longer being passive and in denial about the presence of evil in our world or stay asleep and continue with blindly believing whatever we are told by authorities. When we see the prevalence of evil, we rise up, united, and push back on evil. We hold evil accountable and put an end to their madness.

What if we live many lives? There are many historical documents which suggest that reincarnation is a spiritual reality in our universe. I tend to believe that, before we came to planet Earth, we had a spiritual contract. Our contract included our purpose for why we came to earth. Carolyn Myss teaches, in her book Sacred Contracts:

  • How before birth, we each contract with heavenly guides to become vessels for divine power and evolutionary change
  • Who belongs in your life, and how to recognize the energetic bonds that seal your sacred contracts with them
  • A unique system for divining your life purpose, using 12 central archetypes and a symbolic Wheel of Life

In this lifetime, I: 1) learned what evil truly is, 2) transcended family of origin dysfunction, 3) transcended the matrix when seeing we live in a pathocracy, 4) recognize that people have free will and we are accountable for the choices we make, 5) need to be careful about who I let in my life because many people are unconscious and blame others rather than be responsible for the choices they make, and 6) choose to live life as guided from within rather than bow down to authority figures (often corrupt) in the matrix.


Sociopaths’ Impact on Their Children

From a higher spiritual perspective, I believe there is purpose and meaning for why some children are born into a family that suffers at the hands of a sociopath. Children born into abusive and neglectful environments have a number of life tasks to master. From my perspective, we have to:

  • find a way to survive: fight, flight, freeze, fawn in developmental years
  • value nuggets of nurturing and support from people who are safe
  • express individuality where possible
  • when emancipated, recognize the trauma and choose recovery
  • make it a priority to reflect and understand what we lived and learned
  • reject religious beliefs that blame the victim and feed shame and guilt
  • reject new age beliefs that tell us to ignore the negative
  • accept reality of good versus evil in the world
  • learn what evil truly is and be discerning to avoid evil as much as possible
  • implement boundaries in order to be self-protective
  • place responsibility on the perpetrator(s)
  • be cautious about letting people into our lives especially while we heal our wounded self
  • find the meaning and value of our experience
  • choose faith and courage to be victor not victim
  • recover and be dedicated to breaking the chain of family dysfunction
  • refuse to be silent, sit idle, and, thus, pass on evil to future generations
  • Our most important task is to find our spiritual connection and to be guided by wisdom from within

Traits of Sociopathic Parents

One of the most difficult challenges, when it comes to sociopaths, is their deceit and manipulation. Compassionate, genuine people are not prepared for deceit and manipulation unless we have awakened to understanding that sociopaths and pathological liars exist and live among us. We cannot protect ourselves if we do not have searing vision to see through deception when people are being manipulative. We cannot protect ourselves if we are not connected to our intuition which guides and warns us of danger. We certainly are not taught these skills, as children, when we are reared by sociopaths in a dysfunctional family.

“At the most basic level, sociopathic parents aren’t warm and fuzzy.” James Fallon, a neurobiologist who studies the brains of sociopaths and happens to be one himself, is one of the rare sociopaths who has sustained a marriage over time and helped raise children. He describes his feelings toward his children as indifferent, “[d]ominated less by warmth than by entertainment and intellectual interest.” James states that sociopaths are “cold, distant, and unwelcoming” and provide neither comfort nor affection.

By sociopathic standards, Fallon is “loving parent of the year”. Other sociopath parents aren’t so kind and generous. The only true feeling sociopath parents have is anger, and they typically express it loudly and physically (Do Sociopaths Cry or Even Have Feelings?). Because the expressed anger is out of proportion to whatever induced it, children are left hurt, confused, and with a sense that the world is unpredictable, illogical, and unsafe. Antisocial parents teach their children that the world is chaotic and inconsistent.

“The only true feeling sociopath parents have is anger, and they typically express it loudly and physically”

Sociopathic parents have other hallmark parenting traits that amount to psychological abuse:

  • Lack of attachment, bonding, love
  • Dismissiveness (because kids are boring)
  • Disregard for the child’s welfare
  • Harsh expectations and demands
  • Neglect, often extreme
  • Purposeful attempts to corrupt a child (exposure to pornography, encouraging delinquent behavior)”

The child’s mental health is often affected as well. Approximately twenty-five percent of kids develop a mental illness such as childhood anxiety and depression (Woods, 2011). Sociopathic parents instill fear, shame, and a sense of worthlessness and self-blame in their children.

“Sociopathic parents instill fear, shame, and a sense of worthlessness and self-blame in their children”


Jonice Webb PhD, states that “most children of sociopaths desperately try to rationalize or make sense of their parents bad behavior. Many can be very creative in trying to explain the unexplainable.” Here are a few of the many excuses that Dr. Webb has heard the adult children of sociopaths come up with to try to make sense of their parents hurtful, underhanded or ruthless behaviors:

He has anxiety

She doesnt really mean it

Somethings wrong with her brain

He just cares too much

She cant help it

He had a difficult childhood

These kinds of self-deceptive justifications may feel reassuring to the adult child of the sociopath in the moment, but in the long run, they are damaging. Pretending that a sociopathic parent is well-intentioned exacts its pound of flesh from the child. It keeps the child off-kilter, blaming himself and questioning his own judgment. Perhaps he even feels guilty about his inability to understand or please his parent.”

“Pretending that a sociopathic parent is well-intentioned exacts its pound of flesh from the child. It keeps the child off-kilter, blaming himself and questioning his own judgment. Perhaps he even feels guilty about his inability to understand or please his parent”

“But most importantly, failing to recognize your parent for who she is keeps the child vulnerable to her manipulations and emotional damage. And this simply will not do”


Heartbreaking Stories

Donna Anderson is author of a book “Senior Sociopaths”. She concludes that “sociopaths do not authentically love anyone, including their own children.” She includes a chapter, in her book, about senior sociopaths as parents. She believes it’s the most important chapter in the book and I totally agree. We must learn about the destruction, caused by sociopaths, and inform and protect our children as much as possible.

Donna Anderson “surveyed Lovefraud readers about people they knew who were age 50 or older and whom they believed were sociopaths. A total of 2,120 people responded to the survey, including 357 who wrote about their disordered parents or stepparents.

Senior Sociopaths also includes plenty of heartbreaking quotes and stories about how these disordered individuals act as parents, and how it affected the children. Some children of sociopaths managed to escape and recover, but many were damaged forever.”

Ryan Thomas’ life work is about exposing the tactics of parents who alienate children. He exposes how alienating parents (including sociopaths) emotionally abuse, manipulate, brainwash and treat the child(ren) as prisoners until the child gives in. He explains how conflicted he was, as an alienated child, with saying, outwardly, he wanted nothing to do with his alienated parent though he was “slowly dying inside” : https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1046792649583301&ref=sharing

Sociopaths emotionally abuse, manipulate, brainwash, and treat their children as prisoners until they give in. Sociopaths do not care if the child feels like he/she is slowly dying on the inside.

Terrible, Evil, Antisocial Parents

Donna Anderson’s basic finding, in her survey research, is this: “Senior sociopaths make terrible parents. They manipulate, exploit and abuse their children while they are young, and, if the kids stick around, continue to manipulate, exploit and abuse them as adults.” https://lovefraud.com/senior-sociopaths-as-parents-manipulating-their-kids-while-young-and-as-adults/

“Dr. Scott Peck discusses evil in his book People of the Lie: The Hope For Healing Human Evil and also in a chapter of The Road Less Traveled. Peck characterizes evil as a malignant type of self-righteousness in which there is an active rather than passive refusal to tolerate imperfection (sin) and its consequent guilt. This syndrome results in a projection of evil onto selected specific innocent victims (often children), which is the paradoxical mechanism by which the People of the Lie commit their evil. Peck argues that these people are the most difficult of all to deal with and extremely hard to identify. He describes in some detail several individual cases involving his patients.

In one case which Peck considers as the most typical because of its subtlety, he describes Roger, a depressed teenage son of respected well off parents. In a series of parental decisions justified by often subtle distortions of the truth they exhibit a consistent disregard for their son’s feelings and a consistent willingness to destroy his growth. With false rationality and normality they aggressively refuse to consider that they are in any way responsible for his resultant depression, eventually suggesting his condition must be incurable and genetic.” https://kc.instructure.com/courses/790250/pages/dr-scott-peck-on-evil

“It happens then, that the children of evil parents enter adulthood with very significant psychiatric disturbances. ….It is doubtful that some can be wholly healed of their scars from having had to live in close quarters with evil without correctly naming the source of their problems.

To come to terms with evil in one’s parentage is perhaps the most difficult and painful psychological task a human being can be called on to face. Most fail and so remain its victims. Those who fully succeed in developing the necessary searing vision are those who are able to name it.” http://www.geftakysassembly.com/Articles/Perspectives/MalignantNarcissism.htm


Signs Loved Ones Are Aging and Doubling Down On Narcissistic Traits

I just listened to this video which I thought was very helpful! In fact, I listened to this video several times. I find it is incredibly tricky to discern covert narcissism. It is much easier to discern narcissism and/or sociopathy in those who have taken off their mask of sanity and are physically and emotionally brutal. On the other hand, I have struggled with the covert narcissists who profess, over and over, their love as if their love is something special.

Meanwhile, there exists a trauma bond and confusion because they have inflicted extraordinary, painful, emotional gut punches, over the years, with how they treat their “loved ones”. Of course, those of us who don’t comply are the ones who get more of the gut punches. To me, it feels like surviving an insane asylum when people, whom we love, do not take responsibility, nor introspect, and then blame others.

Dr. Les Carter explains that, sadly, many narcissists (including sociopaths) do not mature. Instead, their narcissistic tendencies worsen with age. He highlights seven of the most common indicators of narcissists who regress as the years go by.

Here are my notes from listening to Dr. Carter:

The brain doesn’t fully develop until around age 25.  As we age and mature, we move into more dignity, empathy and honor.  With narcissists, we don’t tend to see that.  As they get older, they double down on characteristics central to narcissism: their control, their insensitivity, their selfishness, entitlement, defensiveness, their alternate reality. etc. 

As we age, if healthy, we move into more dignity, empathy and honor

7 signs narcissists are moving away from being healthy:

1.  They have given up on love: They give the impression they care. Instead, they seek power. They become more authoritarian, overbearing, and/or pushy.  They want to claim ownership over individuals and be more self-important.

2.  They don’t learn from their own broken experiences:  Instead of saying ‘I need to reflect’, they posture themselves as being a victim or misunderstood.  They have black and white thinking i.e. ‘you did this incorrectly and I did this correctly’.  They have low levels of introspection.  This is a dead give way that they will continue to avoid getting healthy.

3.  They never own their shadow self:   We all have a history of blunders and miscalculations.  Narcissists say they don’t have to deal with that.  If they are bitter, they are still not going to do anything about it.  They have a lurking inner self that continues to be dysregulated which causes them to be emotionally volatile, difficult, or unavailable instead of saying ‘what’s going on in me?’

4.  They don’t want to admit their own humanity:  So, they project an image of their superiority or perfection.  They project what they want people to perceive about them instead of saying we’re all on equal ground here.  They will hold others in a lower position and believe their distortion.  They believe they are better.  They believe their own b.s. and can’t admit their humanity.  

5. They like to collect “mini me’s”/flying monkeys:  They hone-in on individuals they can dominate.  They don’t like diversity.  They don’t like those who think differently so they can learn from others.  Instead they want those who are similar minded and they don’t grow.

6. As broken relationships pile up, they’ll rationalize why it happened in a self serving way:  They will use pretzel type of reasoning.  They will say things like ‘I picked someone really weak, they have all these problems, etc.  They ignore the “what about you?” They allow themselves to believe justifications for erroneous thought patterns.  They lie to themselves a lot.

7.  They’ve learned in a glad way, if they can keep others in a defensive mode, it makes them win.  They accuse, put shame on people, guilt others, etc.  They try to make others look like they have all sorts of problems.  If they can get others to collapse, they can say:  “See I’m the better person”

Narcissists don’t grow and mature.  They keep blaming and side-stepping responsibility.  They become a cartoon of themselves, a caricature for meanness.  We can’t make it our task to reform them.  Maturity happens from the inside.  We can’t buy into their notion that it’s our fault.  These people don’t have a heart and they don’t develop connection.  They turned to stone.  We can’t look to them for deep connection or direction in a healthy kind of way.

Maturation is not deluded, magical thinking.  We need to stay on our personal growth trajectory.  We focus on the one person we can do something about.  Then, we do not allow ourselves to go backwards and be identified with childishness.  

Dr. Les Carter