PTSD and Long-Term Health

By now, many of us have learned how trauma affects both short term and long-term health per the Adverse Childhood Experiences study (http://aceresponse.org/who_we_are/ACE_Study_43_pg.htm). Trauma is stress and traumatic stress causes a fight-flight response in our nervous system. The amygdala, the survival, red alert part of the brain is activated. The longer we survive chronic stress and trauma, the more our brains develop a hard-wired survival pattern in the brain. Our calm and rational brain is eventually hi-jacked and we then live in a state of hypervigilance:

parts of the limbic system
https://www.simplypsychology.org/amygdala.html

“The amygdala is a complex structure of cells nestled in the middle of the brain, adjacent to the hippocampus (which is associated with memory formation).”

“What are the health effects of toxic stress?

Chronic toxic stress—living in a red alert mode for months or years — can also damage our bodies. In a red alert state, the body pumps out adrenaline and cortisol continuously. Over time, the constant presence of adrenaline and cortisol keep blood pressure high, which weakens the heart and circulatory system. They also keep glucose levels high to provide enough energy for the heart and muscles to act quickly; this can lead to type 2 diabetes. Too much adrenaline and cortisol can also increase cholesterol.

Too much cortisol can lead to osteoporosis, arthritis, gastrointestinal disease, depression, anorexia nervosa, Cushing’s syndrome, hyperthyroidism and the shrinkage of lymph nodes, leading to the inability to ward off infections.

If the red alert system is always on, eventually the adrenal glands give out, and the body can’t produce enough cortisol to keep up with the demand. This may cause the immune system to attack parts of the body, which can lead to lupus, multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, and fibromyalgia.

Cortisol is also extremely important in maintaining the body’s appropriate inflammation response. In a normal response to a bee sting or infection, the body rushes antibodies, white blood cells and other cell fighters to the site and the tissues swell while the battle rages. But too much swelling damages tissue. Cortisol controls this fine balance. So without the mediating effects of cortisol, the inflammatory response runs amok and can cause a host of diseases.

If you’re chronically stressed and then experience an additional traumatic event, your body will have trouble returning to a normal state. Over time, you will become more sensitive to trauma or stress, developing a hair-trigger response to events that other people shrug off.

Biomedical researchers say that childhood trauma is biologically embedded in our bodies: Children with adverse childhood experiences and adults who have experienced childhood trauma may respond more quickly and strongly to events or conversations that would not affect those with no ACEs, and have higher levels of indicators for inflammation than those who have not suffered childhood trauma. This wear and tear on the body is the main reason why the lifespan of people with an ACE score of six or higher is likely to be shortened by 20 years. https://acestoohigh.com/aces-101/

how-stress-affects-the-body-1
https://www.pacesconnection.com/blog/the-developing-brain-and-adverse-childhood-experiences-aces

The Sociopath is Guilty of Deadly Destruction to Human Health

Traumatic stress, caused by unrelenting brutality from the sociopath, affects all systems of the body. The sociopath’s desperate need for narcissistic supply and control drains us of energy. The stress depletes the body of nutrients and leaves the body with symptoms of toxicity. It is no wonder I had to rebuild my body and that it took years to rebuild. It is no wonder that my children have suffered because they have a father who is evil and who does not protect and support his children. Far worse, he enjoyed using them as weapons, using them without empathy and conscience, to get what he wanted. That is as selfish and anti-life as a parent can get. I have learned that when the body experiences stress, from persons who try to destroy us, that copper levels in the body go up and zinc levels go down.

What does copper have to do with mental health?

“When we focus on the key minerals that influence the functionality of our brain, we need to pay close attention to 2 of them: zinc and copper.

To make things simple, you can think of zinc as the ‘balancer’ – it’s the calming, relaxing, stabilising mineral. It is a strong anti-oxidant. It helps you make rational decisions, it helps make the brain’s calming neurotransmitter – GABA, it is the body’s ‘anti-depression’ tool.

Copper on the other hand is what I lovingly call ‘the crazy one’.

Copper is a conductor of electricity – it fires up the brain. It is a pro-oxidant or ‘free radical’. Copper acts as a neuro-toxin when in excess and can alter the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain, especially dopamine and noradrenaline.” (Allerton)

“The symptoms relating to copper toxicity syndrome can often be described as an affective disorder of neurotic rather than psychotic nature” (Nolan)

“If your child is anxious, hyper, impulsive, agitated, and has trouble concentrating, remember, copper acts as a stimulant. This produces an adrenaline surge, which is hard for a little, growing body to control. Your child isn’t bad, it just means there is a biochemical difficulty that is correctable.” (Gilbert)

“An important ingredient in the treatment of copper overload is supplementation with zinc. This must be done very slowly and carefully, because zinc mobilizes copper stores. During this process, a person can initially feel even more anxious and symptomatic.” (Tsafrir)

Why haven’t I heard of copper toxicity?

“Now we have the answers to why copper can be good, bad, and what symptoms create the ugly. Let’s pursue why most doctors don’t test for copper toxicity and why it is common and yet not well-known.

The most straightforward answer to this is that doctors do not receive training in nutritional supplementation in medical school. There is no known pharmaceutical to treat copper toxicity properly. Therefore, traditional doctors will not test for something they do not treat. What they will do is treat the symptoms rather than the cause. If you consult your doctor about mood-related symptoms, he/she is likely to dispense an antidepressant without doing any testing. Traditional doctors are unaware that SSRI’s can make anxiety symptoms worse for high copper individuals.” (Tokarz)

Doctors do not receive training in nutritional supplementation in medical school.

Cost of Ignoring Effects of Trauma

Most human beings experience some degree of trauma on Planet Earth. This planet is often one of violence and a horror show. Most are taught to cover up symptoms of trauma with toxic pharmaceutical medications and talk therapy. I have learned that healing trauma is complex and requires more than simplistic answers which cover-up the root of the problem with synthetic chemicals. I have learned that unprocessed trauma leads to both mental and physical health problems. I have witnessed how unprocessed trauma results in alcoholism, anxiety, depression, insomnia, autoimmune disorders, violence, cancer, diabetes, dementia, etc..

Therefore, it is vital that we no longer rely on the mantra “forgive and forget”. We must remember and recover:

We need to release trauma, using for example: 1) EMDR, 2) somatic experiencing, 3) neurofeedback, 4) audio visual entrainment, 5) yoga, 6) acupuncture, 7) body massage, 8) journaling, 9) breathing exercises, 10) nutritional therapies, 11) meditation, 12) gentle exercise, etc. We need to return the body to a baseline state of calm so that we rewire the survival brain pattern and restore nutritional balance.

The Brain is Neuroplastic

The good news is that we now know the brain is neuroplastic. This means the brain can learn a new and healthy neurological pattern!

https://www.pacesconnection.com/blog/the-developing-brain-and-adverse-childhood-experiences-aces

Holistic Healing

I witness a family member, highly traumatized with unprocessed trauma who suffers from dementia, and I wonder if the suffering could have been prevented. I read: “Experiencing trauma, abuse or neglect in childhood may lead to health complications later on, including a higher risk of developing dementia, new research finds (Bushak). Alzheimer’s disease is caused by elevated levels of heavy metals, such as lead, zinc, and copper (Patel and Aschner). Since we now know that stress raises copper levels and lowers zinc levels, did the copper levels get too high and increase the risk of dementia?

“Copper is a cofactor in the synthesis of norepinephrine:

                                      Dopamine Beta-Hydroxylase
         DOPAMINE ————————————————————-> NOREPINEPHRINE (adrenaline)
                                    Copper, Vitamine C and Oxygen

Because of this, when copper is elevated,  dopamine levels decrease and norepinephrine levels rise. Having these neurotransmitters out of balance can be at play in a whole range of problems including anxiety, panic, bipolar disorder, depression, ADHD, and autism.   This doesn’t mean that all depression (or these other diagnoses) are caused by copper overload.  Dr. Walsh’s database of chemistries on 10,000 psychiatric patients, show for example, there are five biochemical phenotypes of depression –undermethylation, overmethylation, copper overload, pyroluria and toxic metals.   His research did find, however, that overwhelmingly women with postpartum depression had elevated copper levels.” (Snyder)

“An important ingredient in the treatment of copper overload is supplementation with zinc. This must be done very slowly and carefully, because zinc mobilizes copper stores. During this process, a person can initially feel even more anxious and symptomatic” (Tsafrir). “Not all doctors know how to interpret the results or prescribe appropriate levels of nutrients. The correct combination of minerals, vitamins, and amino acids is vital to bringing individualized biochemistry back into balance.” (Tokarz)

Causes of Neurological Symptoms

“There are some specific causes that can create a sensitive, weakened nervous system. The first is neurotoxins. Viruses such as Epstein-Barr, shingles, HHV-6, and others release neurotoxins which can cause a host of different sensitivities, symptoms and conditions connected to the nervous system. If any underlying viral issues are not addressed, your nervous system can become hypersensitive.

Toxic heavy metals are a second cause. Mercury is extremely harmful and other metals such as aluminum, lead, arsenic, copper, and nickel wreak havoc as well. An alloy of these metals in the brain can oxidize over time, short circuiting neurotransmitters as they run through the neurons. Imagine the neuron is like a stream and the neurotransmitters are like the living water rushing through. Heavy metals are what block and destroy both the stream and the pulsing energy running through it. Heavy metals diminish neurotransmitter and neuron function, breakdown electrical impulses, and can cause seizures if present in the brain and nervous system for extended periods of time. You can learn more about toxic heavy metals here

You must stay vigilant to avoid the third cause, MSG. It’s found in many packaged food items these days, even seemingly healthy ones, and hidden behind terms like “natural flavors,” “citric acid,” and “vanilla flavor.” It can even be found in protein shakes and natural herbal teas! MSG eats away at your brain, creates lesions, and breaks down your nervous system, worsening neurological problems.

Chemical sensitivities can also occur when chemicals interact with an already weak, sensitive central nervous system. Symptoms of a sensitive central nervous system might include forgetfulness, word misplacement, bafflement for no reason, confusion, feeling easily rattled or puzzled, brain fog, disorientation, or a feeling of disconnection. Anyone who experiences anxiety or depression has a sensitive central nervous system. Exposure to toxic chemicals can strengthen these symptoms and create new symptoms for someone who is already very sensitive.

A few more causes are aspartame, which severely damages the neurological system and can even cause seizures in certain people. Mold can be a serious trigger as well. Mold doesn’t cause neurological issues but can be a trigger to another underlying cause. Stress can also be a trigger and have a serious negative impact on the central nervous system because of the corrosive adrenaline released when we are under stress. Each person has their own causes that create neurological symptoms. https://www.medicalmedium.com/blog/healing-your-neurological-system

So, I conclude that trauma recovery, for me, includes the need to:

  • lower copper levels by adding zinc and removing sources of copper intake
  • detox heavy metals
  • follow inner, body wisdom, spiritual guidance
  • find a holistic healthcare practitioner who is trained in copper toxicity and biochemical nutritional balance
  • eat whole foods and avoid processed foods
  • avoid narcissists and sociopaths as much as possible
  • break the chain of inherited generational trauma
  • process trauma rather than suppress it
  • retrain the brain and practice a baseline state of calm
  • believe we can feel once again, breathe freely, and experience a joyous recovery
  • support others in need of trauma informed care

Adverse Childhood Experiences on Long-Term Brain Development and Health

In summary, “when exposed to a toxic environment throughout childhood and adolescence, a person’s fight or-flight response is consistently activated, causing the brain and body to significantly reduce executive functions related to health. This overactivation can lead to severe health problems in adulthood.

In an analysis of the links between severe health problems and ACEs, Crawford County Human Services (2016) identifies the following as possible lifelong effects of severe childhood trauma: obesity, diabetes, depression, suicide attempts, heart disease, cancer, stroke, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), STDs, smoking, alcoholism, and drug use. However, until society addresses ACEs as a public health crisis, the effects of ACEs will be felt for and through generations to come.” (Hesterman)

However, until society addresses ACEs as a public health crisis, the effects of ACEs will be felt for and through generations to come.

Human beings are resilient and can reverse damage perpetrated by sociopaths and traumatic stress.

References:

Allerton, Maria, “Copper: The Key Mineral For Emotional, Hormonal & Mental Health”, https://www.truefoodsnutrition.com.au/metal-plays-mind/

Bushak, L., (2020), “Experiencing Trauma in Childhood Linked to Increased Risk of Developing Dementia: https://www.forbes.com/sites/leciabushak/2020/02/11/experiencing-trauma-in-childhood-linked-to-increased-risk-of-developing-dementia/?sh=12919e9d3526

Gilbert, S., (2021), “Depression, Anxiety, and Copper Toxicity: https://eatfor.life/depression-anxiety-copper-toxicity/

Hesterman, M., (2021), “The Effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences on Long-Term Brain Development and Health”, file:///C:/Users/Pam/Downloads/dbeard,+3717-Academic+Article-17879-1-11-20210429.pdf

Orgeta, V., (2020), “Post-traumatic Stress Disorder Linked to Increased Risk of Dementia”, https://theconversation.com/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-linked-to-increased-risk-of-dementia-new-research-146325#:~:text=Apart%20from%20one%2C%20all%20studies,up%20to%2017%20years%20later

Patel, R. and Aschner, M., (2021), “Commonalities between Copper Neurotoxicity and Alzheimer’s Disease”, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7825595/

Snyder, Courtney, (2015), “Copper Overload – Too Much of a Good Thing”, https://www.courtneysnydermd.com/blog/epigenetics-methylation-mthfr-the-brain-made-easyer

Tokarz, D., (2019), “Why Copper Toxicity Could Be Causing Your Mental Illness Symptoms”, https://www.debtokarz.com/copper-toxicity-2/

Tsafrir, J., (2017) “Copper Toxicity: A Common Cause of Psychiatric Symptoms, Elevated copper is linked to psychiatric and autoimmune condition”, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/holistic-psychiatry/201709/copper-toxicity-common-cause-psychiatric-symptoms

Image
https://twitter.com/DanielleHark/status/1083393326437621761/photo/1

Understanding Mean Kids

We need to get behind the eyes of children who have survived narcissistic, sociopathic, parental psychopathy. These children suffer, at a young age, what is beyond their developmental abilities to understand. Many adults do not know what evil truly is. So, these hurt children will be extremely confused by a parent who is supposed to love them but, instead, hurts them. These children will act out, cover up their trauma with anger, and blame themselves and the safe parent, until they accept the fact that their parent is anti-life. The responsibility, for brutality, needs to be entirely on the shoulders of the sociopath. These children need to learn how to protect themselves from the chaos and cruelty generated by the sociopath:

The Impact of Psychopathy on the Family | IntechOpen

Children of Battered Women Take Anger and Revenge Out on the Protective Parent

A ROOT OF THE PROBLEM FOR PROTECTIVE, SAFE PARENTS AND THEIR CHILDREN:

Children of battered women take anger out on the safe parent. The children are too afraid to take anger out on the batterer (makes sense but not fair to the battered mother and children).

Lundy Bancroft (expert on domestic violence and the effect on children) states: “Abuse is inherently divisive; family members blame each other for the abuser’s behavior because it is unsafe to blame him”.

Here are quotes, from various authors, about how children of battered women take anger out on the safe parent and what is needed for healing:

1) “When I was in private practice I worked with a large number of teens and young adults who seemed hellbent on being destructive. These were young people who otherwise indicated great potential personally and professionally. Yet they wre willing to deep-six the positive possibilities for their futures for the sake of wreaking havoc.

They would put their families through hell, as parents and siblings tried to rescue, placate, support, threaten, or lecture them about illegal or risky or self-destructive behaviors. What I would discover is that many of these young people were getting their revenge on a family life that hurt or disappointed them. They imagined that these horrific behaviors were the key to take their power and control they didn’t feel as children. They also had found an obvious outlet for all their anger and the self-doubt that resulted from their early family problems.

It was also startling to see how often they would get revenge on the non-abusive ‘good parent’ who didn’t protect them by abusing and hurting that so-called ‘good’ parent the way they as children had been abused by the ‘bad’ parent. They might also do the same toward siblings who were doing better in their own lives.

Revenge becomes a bad habit” (Bad Childhood Good Life by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, pages 29-30).

2) “Men are quite different in how they become Center of the Universe. Men don’t do it through tears of pain. Men are more likely to withdraw and drink or dominate and hurt with words or physical violence. In doing so, the entire family is constantly vigilant about his moods and afraid of ‘setting him off’. He becomes the pampered, protected Center of the Universe because of his family’s fears” (Bad Childhood Good Life by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, page 34)

3) “More commonly, the child idealizes the abusive parent and displaces all her rage onto the non-offending parent. She may in fact feel more strongly attached to the abuser, who demonstrates a perverse interest in her, than in the non-offending parent, whom she perceives a indifferent. The abuser may also foster this idealization by indoctrinating the child victim and other family members in his own paranoid or grandiose belief system. Such glorified images of the parents cannot, however, be reliably sustained. They deliberately leave out too much information,” (Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman, MD, page 106).

4) “I have found, with the children that I have lived with, and helped to heal, if the father has stabbed, raped, beaten, or even in one case run over his own child with a truck, the children blame the mom for not protecting them. If the mother divorces the father for being abusive, drinking, or not supporting the family, the children are angry with the mom, not the father. She becomes their target for revenge. A puppy, lying in the road injured, upon being moved, often bites the person trying to get them help. This is because moving the injured pup causes them pain due to the earlier trauma. Just as the puppy mistakes the helper for the abuser, so does the injured child. A child, who has been hurt, by being separated from or abused by one mom, will seek vengeance on the next mom. Thus, the mom is he one the child hates and therefore abuses. These children are clever, sneaky and manipulative. The father and other people often do not even see the abuse the child inflicts on the mother” (When Love is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas, pages 3-4)

5) ”If evil were easy to recognize, identify, and manage, there would be no need for this book. But the fact of the matter is that is is the most difficult of all things with which to cope. If we, as objectively detached, mature adults, have great difficulty coming to terms with evil, think of what it must be like for the child living in its midst. The child can emotionally survive only by virture of a massive fortification of it s psyche. While such fortifications or psychological defenses are essential to its survival through childhood, they inevitably distort or compromise its life as an adult.

It happens, then, that the children of evil parents enter adulthood with very significant psychiatric disturbances. We have been working with such victims, often very successfully, for many years without ever having to employ the word ‘evil’. It is doubtful that some can be wholly healed of their scars from having had to live in close quarters with evil without correctly naming the source of their problems.

To come to terms with evil in one’s parentage is perhaps the most difficult and painful psychological task a human being can be called on to face. Most fail and so remain its victims. Those who fully succeed in developing the necessary searing vision are those who are able to name it” (People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck, MD, page 130)

6) “Abuse is inherently divisive; family members blame each other for the abuser’s behavior because it is unsafe to blame him”. (Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft, page 249)

7) “To study psychological trauma is to come face to face both with human vulnerability in the natural world and with the capacity for evil in human nature. To study psychological trauma means bearing witness to horrible events. When the events are natural disasters or ‘acts of God,’ those who bear witness sympathize readily with the victim. But when the traumatic events are of human design, those who bear witness are caught in the conflict between victim and perpetrator. It is morally impossible to remain neutral in this conflict. The bystander is forced to take sides” (Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman, page 7)

“When the truth is finally recognized, survivors can begin their recovery. But far too often secrecy prevails, and the story of the traumatic event surfaces not as a verbal narrative but as a symptom” (Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman, page 1)

9) “True forgiveness cannot be granted until the perpetrator has sought and earned it through confession, repentance, and restitution” (Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman, MD, page 190)

Indoctrination of Children by Sociopath

The sociopath uses children!

It is fierce psychological warfare for children who are forced to survive a sociopath. The sociopath is an alienator who obsesses about destroying the relationship between mother and child. He turns the children into deeply hurt and angry young people and has NO concern about the effect on the well-being of his children. After he has threatened and programmed children with his rage and vindictive “campaign of denigration”, these children hate and fear their mother. One manifestation of the sociopath’s “campaign of denigration” is quoted below. There are eight manifestations of parental alienation syndrome outlined in the article below.

A Campaign of Denigration
Alienated children are consumed with hatred of the targeted parent. They deny any positive past experiences and reject all contact and communication. Parents who were once loved and valued seemingly overnight become hated and feared.” Amy J. L. Baker, PhD speaks about “Parental Aleination Syndrome – The Parent/Child Disconnect” in the following Social Work Today, November/December 2008, Vol. 8 No. 6 P. 26 article: https://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/102708p26.shtml#:~:text=Among%20the%20many%20areas%20of,unwarranted%20rejection%20of%20one%20parent

These alienated children are hurt deeply and traumatized when they feel coerced to hate their protective mother. They suffer for years while both the mental health and legal systems fail to keep these children safe:

May be an image of 1 person and text

How Do These Children Recover? Trauma Informed Care

For so many years, these traumatized children have been seen as “bad kids” when they cannot sit still, cannot focus, and act out with anxiety and anger. They have been diagnosed with oppositional defiant behavior, ADD/ADHD, depression and anxiety, etc. and medicated with toxic synthetic drugs. When I worked in Children’s Mental Health, in a county human services system, I did not see these children get well by using synthetic drugs and conventional talk therapy. These were passed from children’s mental health to adult mental health. I learned that medication causes survivors to numb out, suppress feelings, suffer side effects, some medications caused these children to become more aggressive, impulsive, and/or suicidal/homicidal.

When I used alternative therapies, with a mother who requested natural healing, and who practiced trauma informed care, I witnessed progress. It was actually the first case I closed successfully. One would think this approach might be a prototype to be used by others. Instead, such natural healing, with nutritional supplements and trauma informed care was ignored. The assembly line, of case management, continued with traditional interventions.

I studied the work of Heather T. Forbes, the owner of Beyond Consequences, LLC, and promoted trauma informed care in the county system. The traditional interventions were based in thinking “what is wrong with you?” which is judgmental and blaming of the victim. Trauma informed care is based in thinking “what happened to you?” which is compassionate and understanding. Heather T. Forbes teaches parents, foster parents, mental health professionals, and school teachers and officials how to be sensitive and care for these children: https://www.beyondconsequences.com/

IMG_3933-small%2520for%2520website_edite
Heather T. Forbes, Beyond Consequences, LLC

I studied the work of Deena McMahon, MSW, LICSW, McMahon Counseling & Consultation, LLC . She is another mental health professional who understands these children and teaches parents, foster parents, mental health professionals, and school teachers and officials how to care for traumatized children. https://vimeo.com/150787978

Beyond Consequences & RAD LABS Workshops - MN Adopt

What is Underneath Angry Behavior of These Children?

This document, from D. Hughes, helps us be sensitive to what these children are feeling: http://www.danielhughes.org/

Neurochild on Instagram: “"Beneath every behaviour there is a feeling. And  beneath each feeling is a need. And when we meet that n… | Feelings,  Behavior, Life words

Learning Nonviolent, Compassionate Communication

With trauma, words are war. These children are sensitive to tone when we communicate with them. The dominant model of communication, in our world, is verbal abuse. In other words, we tend to verbally attack one another when we come from stress, irritation, anger, fear, and trying to control another person. This creates conflict because the receiver feels the need to defend him/herself. When we practice non-violent communication (NVC), we calm ourselves and feel compassion when we speak. We express feelings and needs, and we seek mutuality in our relationships. We are able to feel emotionally connected and safe with another person.

Patricia Evans identified fifteen categories of verbal abuse: https://www.reddit.com/r/AbuseInterrupted/comments/48xsrf/15_categories_of_verbal_abuse_per_patricia_evans/

“Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg (1934-2015) was the founder and director of educational services for The Center for Nonviolent Communication. Growing up in an inner–city Detroit neighborhood Dr. Marshall Rosenberg was confronted daily with various forms of violence. Wanting to explore the causes of violence and what could be done to reduce violence, he chose to study clinical psychology and received his Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from the University of Wisconsin in 1961. In 1966 he was awarded diplomat status in clinical psychology from the American Board of Examiners in Professional Psychology.

Nonviolent Communication training evolved from Dr. Rosenberg’s quest to find a way of rapidly disseminating much needed peacemaking skills. The Center for Nonviolent Communication emerged out of work he was doing with civil rights activists in the early 1960’s. During this period he also mediated between rioting students and college administrators and worked to peacefully desegregate public schools in long-segregated regions.”

Marshall Rosenberg 2006

4 Part NVC Process: https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/pdf_files/4part_nvc_process.pdf

  • Observations
  • Feelings
  • Needs
  • Request

Needs Inventory: https://www.cnvc.org/sites/default/files/2018-10/CNVC-needs-inventory.pdf

Feelings Inventory: https://www.cnvc.org/sites/default/files/2018-10/CNVC-feelings-inventory.pdf

How Does One Heal in our Violent Culture?

It takes a long time to heal. Healing requires safety. Where does on find safety in this violent world? One has to continue to parent, go to work, survive evil, stalking and harassment, car accidents, illness, verbal abuse, high levels of stress, poverty, etc. We need safety, time to heal, and trauma informed care from seasoned mental health professionals. This is a huge task which requires stamina for survivors and support from a community who understands and supports survivors. We are not there in a victim blaming culture. Thus the reason I continue to write and advocate for survivors of domestic violence, court corruption, and sociopaths:

Surviving Childhood Trauma (living w/C-PTSD): memes, quotes, and resources
Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSDICPTSD Childhood Complex Trauma and the  Wounded Inner Child Many of Us Who Endured Abuse Andor Neglect in Childhood  Have a Wounded Inner Child Our Wounded Inner

Spellbreaker

For me, it was an extreme life challenge to survive this overwhelming flood of evil. I had to be a spiritual warrior to survive and to protect vulnerable children. I contacted law enforcement as needed and gathered sheriff’s reports which documented the sociopath’s violations. Documentation included violations of restraining orders, theft of property from house and garage, harassing phone calls, trespassing and breaking in, causing property damage, drinking and driving recklessly with children aboard, and an Order for Protection for physical assault (in front of our youngest son) after relocating to another community for safety. When a child was suicidal, and I called for assistance, the sociopath called (during the incident) and was laughing. He has no empathy. What was funny for the sociopath? I’m guessing it was seeing his plan unfold – to create chaos, undermine my parenting, and call me an unfit parent. The court did not care about the violations, turned it around on me, and claimed I was vindictive. Vindictive would be if I committed all those crimes against the sociopath, after he committed adultery, instead of the sociopath brutalizing his family. There was nothing but scapegoating and injustice in the Douglas County Family Court System.

Scapegoat Quotes | Scapegoat Sayings | Scapegoat Picture Quotes

I considered purchasing a gun or stun gun, for safety, knowing that law enforcement could not be present to prevent assault from the sociopath. I wrote letters to Minnesota state legislators. I gave public presentations at St. Cloud State University, at a community training luncheon for professionals, before legislative committees both at St. Cloud City Hall and before the Economic Status of Women in St. Paul. I was interviewed for an article in the St. Cloud Times, submitted various articles to local newspapers, and exposed the impact of domestic violence in families. I was interviewed on Rumor Mill News Radio about the legal system’s failure to protect battered women and children.

I conducted survey research, as an undergraduate student, by sending questionnaires to other battered women with children, who were separating from abusive males. The research findings were submitted to the Minnesota state legislature. I went into the family court system pro se when I could not afford legal fees. I arranged visitation exchange, in a public place, to avoid harassment and assault. The sociopath was angered about the public meeting exchange, created drama at Perkins, laughed at the domestic abuse advocate who accompanied me, and slammed our son into his vehicle. During another exchange, he undermined and refused to show up. He left a note, on the patio door of my home, saying he would not return our son:

Sociopaths project what they are doing wrong on to the protective parent. The sociopath clearly knew the meeting place was at Perkins at 6 p.m. Because he refused to cooperate and be safe around our children, he played the game of showing up at my home. This time, however, he faced a huge surprise. Because of his continued harassment, I had several women, with their husbands, who accompanied me to the visitation exchange site at Perkins. When the sociopath did not show up at Perkins, they returned to my home and waited with me. I imagine the rage our children had to listen to, from the sociopath in his vehicle, who was losing control over the empath, the source of his narcissistic supply. The sociopath eventually showed up, with our son, and assaulted me. Immediately, the two husbands came around the corner, pushed me out of the way, and grabbed the sociopath! I can still see our youngest son dashing in fear while running down the steps to get away.

No one was able to comfort our son in the violence. The sociopath started whining, I was told, to just let him go. Instead, he was held while I contacted the Sartell Police Department. Our daughter had also accompanied the sociopath, during the planned visitation exchange, only to witness more violence and chaos. The sociopath cared about NONE of their feelings. I easily obtained an Order for Protection (OFP) because I had plenty of witnesses. The sociopath did not show up in Stearns County Court. for the OFP hearing. He lied and said that I had men waiting in the bushes to ambush him and make false allegations. The sociopath is a pathological liar and a coward who uses children.

Melanie Tonia Evans on Instagram: “😈 👼 Why are narcissists so cruel to  you and so kind to everyone else? It really is like liv… in 2021 |  Narcissist, Wisdom quotes, Cruel

I continued to pursue higher education, after divorce, and helped other families who suffer from violence. I first worked as a youth counselor with delinquent youth and, then, as a family counselor in a group home for delinquent youth. I was employed as a Co-located Social Worker, as a Parent Outreach Program Coordinator (employed to work with families who had Child Protection intake reports screened out but who voluntarily wanted support services), and in Children’s Mental Health in a county Health and Human Services agency. I was a professional with both book learning and real life experience which helped me to easily understand life situations for children and their families.

I discovered that professionals, routinely, are not trained in domestic violence and personality disorders. They typically just blame the victim and often call them “crazy”. I arranged for several agency wide trainings on domestic violence. I even found a professional who would provide a free training for our agency. Though I was told to look for trainers, even purchase a DVD for a training, all of my work still sits somewhere in a folder. I was a spellbreaker, obviously, who was not valued for my expertise in that victim blaming agency. I was told “This agency is not ready for your expertise. You may want to work someplace where you would be appreciated”. What?! a county agency that works, on a daily basis, with families suffering from domestic violence but you refuse to be trained in the dynamics of domestic violence? Children’s lives are at risk and they scapegoat rather than do the right thing? This is tragic for the survivors of domestic violence, who are highly traumatized and even killed by the narcissist-sociopaths, while the system chugs along with blaming the victim and failing to adequately protect children. Worse, now father’s rights are being pushed without education of personality disorders among male parents who use and kill children simply to maintain control.

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I earned a master’s degree in social work and became a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker. I typically did research, independently, because of being curious and enjoying learning. I studied trauma informed care rather than simply blaming the victim. The old paradigm of blaming the victim is based in thinking “what is wrong with you?” whereas, trauma informed care is based in asking “what happened to you?” The difference is judging and criticizing rather than understanding and having empathy for what survivors went through. Being progressive, I routinely encountered resistance from those, in the workplace, who were stuck in archaic, dysfunctional and anti-life paradigms. Because I understood personality disorders, I helped many women awaken to recognizing such disorders in their significant others and/or husbands rather than continue to be beat down by these controllers.

My family of origin did not like the spellbreaker because they wanted me to get back in my place and be silent. I was told that I ruined the lives of family members, that I needed to stop talking about the past, and that I am the only one with the problem. I had been brainwashed with “forgive and forget” which did not work for me because I had to heal many layers of trauma including family of origin trauma. So, I became the scapegoat and lost connections with my family of origin. I decided is was necessary for me to “remember and recover” rather than forgive and forget”. It was more important for me to speak truth about the reality I/we survived, and to break the generational pattern of domestic violence and alcoholism, than to get back in my place. It was more important, to me, to do what I can to pass on a healthier legacy to children and grandchildren:

I lost several friends when they chose to victim blame rather than hold the sociopath accountable for his trail of destruction. One religious friend blamed me for going to college and, also, for not pushing Jesus to solve all our problems (though we had attended church prior to divorce). Another friend decided I needed to forgive my children and prove I’m not crazy so that our mother-child relationships could heal. They had no idea about the depth of trauma, brainwashing, and terror instilled by the sociopath in the minds of our children. It was easier to blame me. Alienating sociopaths are like cult leaders. It takes time for traumatized minds to be deprogrammed after brainwashing and mind control from a sociopath. The community tends to believe the mother must have done something wrong. What I see, all these years, is that telling the truth is my “crime” and, unknowingly, marrying a sociopath. That is far from saying I am a perfect human being. It simply means that I chose to be conscious and to change course. I wanted to be liberated from conditions that prevented me from healing and growing.

Spellbreaker, lightworker, transcender, change agent, scapegoat, black sheep, and/or empaths are some of the names used for those who break the chain. I wonder if there is one in every family since scapegoating is so common. The scapegoat has to either stay in the dysfunctional family and or agency and be targeted or remove one self to avoid the evil of scapegoating. I tried talking and talking, and writing and writing and experienced, most definitely, that we cannot change other people nor convince them to change course.

I loved my family deeply, especially being an empath, and never fathomed I would have to walk away. I had not intended to be the black sheep nor the spellbreaker. It seemed to naturally evolve with my need to seek truth and to understand what happened in my life especially since it was devastating to my children. However, the overwhelming scapegoating, from what seemed like everyone around me, was destroying my health. Walking away, to protect myself, was an incredibly harsh decision to make. It took me a long time and too much pain for me to finally get there.