This is a copy/paste (emphasis mine) of several articles from drpsychological.com. I copied the entire articles because, in their original space, it was broken up by advertisements which made it hard to read. After years of coming to terms with pathology in my birth family, I say ‘be patient and compassionate toward yourself’ with coming to understand pathology in your family. It takes a long time to see through the brainwashing and trauma in these toxic, personality disordered, demonic family systems:
“Today we’re going to be talking about the identifying behaviors of the female malignant narcissist.
Narcissist, narcissism is on a spectrum, and when it gets to where it’s considered malignant, then you’re dealing with someone who has the potential to be very calculated and dangerous. Malignant narcissists are not people you want to have any kind of relationship with.
The probability that you will be harmed in some manner by a malignant narcissist is nearly 100%. So if you believe that you might have encountered a malignant narcissist, or if you believe you could be involved with a female malignant narcissist, then stay tuned this article is going to give you some insight into the top behaviors you will typically witness from the female malignant narcissist.
What a malignant narcissist and a sociopath are:
First, let’s explain and define exactly what a malignant narcissist and a sociopath are. When we are talking about this dangerous personality type, we are talking about people who possess three distinct parts to their personality disorder. Let’s explain these three distinctive parts: Because the first part of their personality disorder is narcissistic, they will have an addiction to narcissistic supply as well as an addiction to feeling special.
Malignant narcissists are also sometimes referred to as a dark triad personality because there are three distinct parts to the personality.
Narcissistic personality disorder
Social exhibits the typical behaviors of grandiosity, she’ll require tons of attention and adoration, and she will have an overall attitude that she is superior to other people.
Psychopathy or antisocial personality disorder
So this is a person who does not have a conscience. Essentially, they don’t really experience feelings of empathy, regret, guilt, shame, remorse, or compassion for other people, they don’t feel bad for the horrible things that they do.
Next, the second part of the personality disorder is technically called anti-social personality disorder, or, as it’s referred to by many, sociopathy or psychopathy, and this means they do not have a functioning conscience. These are people who truly do not experience feelings of empathy, compassion for others, shame, guilt, regret, or remorse, so these are people who do not have any internal moral compass as normal people do, and certainly not as highly empathetic people do, which are usually the ones that these people target. They have no internal moral compass that keeps their behavior honorable; they do not feel those emotions.
Machiavellianism
This is the part of the personality that is manipulative, that is exploitative and highly deceptive, and sadistic. Meaning that they gain pleasure from causing other people to suffer physically or emotionally, they get off on the pain; they create in other people’s lives. As you can imagine when you put these three distinct parts of the personality into one, that makes this individual incredibly dangerous and the probability of harm very high.
The third part of the personality disorder is called “Machiavellianism,” and this is the part of the disorder that is extremely manipulative, cunning, and sadistic, which means these people can gain great satisfaction and gratification from the suffering and destruction of other people, especially if they feel you have crossed them or disrespected them in some manner. So clearly, when you combine the fact that they do not have any feelings of guilt, remorse, or regret with the fact that they are sadistic individuals, you must conclude that these people have and will execute extremely dangerous exploitative and destructive behaviors given the opportunity. So, what we must do is remove them from our lives so they don’t have the opportunity to do something horrible to us.
Now, let’s talk about some of the very common signs that will alert you if you have one of these extremely dangerous women involved in your life:
- These women are extremely competitive:
One of the first signs you will see is that these women are extremely competitive. They have a burning desire to be the best at anything that can be judged in their lives. So it could be that she wants to be viewed as the most beautiful woman, compared to the other women involved in her life, or it could be that she wants to be viewed as the most intellectual or as the most wealthy and rich woman in her community. Essentially, anything that she regards as important, she will want to be regarded as the winner of that particular thing, and there could be many things that she regards as important.
So what happens if, in her mind, someone else is being viewed as the best at something she wants or the winner in a particular situation? What happens to the people that she views as better than her? This usually means that she will start trying to methodically and calculatingly dismantle and destroy the life of the person whose life she views in this manner. So it’s not uncommon for her to start a nasty smear campaign where she attempts to absolutely destroy this person’s reputation. She may try to undermine or lie about this person’s accomplishments, insinuating that this person has done something underhanded or even illegal to get to the position he or she is in. Basically, she will stop at nothing to ruin this person’s status so that she can step in and be viewed as the best or the winner. Nothing is more important to these dangerous women than winning, and because she has no conscience, she is capable of doing horrible things to anyone with whom she views this competition.
2. consumed and obsessed with their appearance:
Next, these dangerous women are consumed by and obsessed with their appearance. They are completely superficial, and they love to have very lavish material things. These women have no substance and no true identity, and their priorities will not be focused on things that most people truly value, like their relationships, their families, or the well-being of their children. These women aren’t concerned about those things in the least, unless, of course, they see some inherent value in it for themselves. So these women are the definition of high maintenance; they will be consumed with acquiring material things, and they want to make sure that they have things that are viewed as better than anyone else that they know.
They are also usually consumed with their status; they are typically flashy, and they usually use their sexuality to their advantage. So it’s not uncommon for these women to dress in a provocative manner; it’s not uncommon for them to flirt with someone else’s spouse or partner in an effort to get something from them that they want. Many times these women will be serial cheaters; they do not have a loyal bone in their body, and they are absolute opportunists. They have no problem exploiting and taking advantage of anyone or any situation. And by the way, this includes their own children. When I say they are loyal to no one, I do mean no one but themselves and their own objectives. No one is truly safe around a woman like this.
- She will have a complete and utter disregard for the boundaries of others:
Another very common trait of this type of dangerous female narcissist is that she will have a complete and utter disregard for the boundaries of others, including her intimate relationships. She loves to try to triangulate and pit people against each other. Many times she will keep her old boyfriends around and maintain inappropriate closeness with her exes; usually this is to try and triangulate her current partner against an old flame. Again, this woman will be incredibly promiscuous and inappropriately flirtatious with other people who are not her intimate partners.
These women need multiple sources of narcissistic Supply, it’s also not uncommon for this woman to be flirtatious with her girlfriends, partners, or even married family members in her own family. She enjoys seeing how far she can push the envelope. She has no respect or regard for the relationships of other people, and if she can drive a wedge between the intimate relationships of other people that she knows, she’s going to do that without a second thought. Remember! This is a woman without a conscience. So nothing and no one is off limits to her; she is addicted to attention, whether that be positive attention or negative attention. She is a troublemaker, and there will be chaos and drama everywhere she goes.
- Gain pleasure and satisfaction from the suffering of other people:
Next, and this part is very disturbing, this is a woman who can and will gain pleasure and satisfaction from the suffering of other people, especially if she believes someone has crossed her or disrespected her. Furthermore, many times this woman will try and manufacture pain and distress in the lives of others, causing them suffering; you have to remember this! This woman is sadistic; she does not possess a conscience (as I mentioned), and she enjoys the control and power she feels from her ability to destroy the lives of others.
She will use both covert and overt abuse and manipulation tactics to achieve this goal. Most times, she will achieve these goals by implementing a nasty smear campaign against a person she has in her crosshairs and making up disgusting and humiliating lies about that person; the more disturbing the lies she spews, the better in her opinion. This woman is ruthless in every sense of the word, and sabotaging the lives of other people is sheer entertainment to her.
- Many of her actions could be classified as criminal:
Another common sign of this extremely dangerous woman is that many of her behaviors may very well be considered criminal. People with anti-social personality disorder have a blatant disregard for the laws of the land, for boundaries, and for things that are considered socially honorable. They have no respect or regard for any of those things; they believe that they are above those things and that the rules of life do not apply to someone like her. So many times she will be scamming people out of money, lying or using other people’s identities to get credit cards or loans, or she may vandalize someone’s home.
I have heard story after story about the vandalism of my clients homes who have decided to end their relationship with one of these women. And unfortunately, in cases where she feels that one of her intimate partners is on to her, no matter who or what she is, or if she feels betrayed or threatened by an intimate partner, it’s not unheard of for her to make up absolute lies, suggesting that her partner is a violent physical abuser who even puts self-inflicted bruises on herself, before contacting the police to have her partner arrested or filing for a restraining order claiming domestic abuse.
I have even heard stories about this type of woman calling Child Protective Services on someone she is fixated on destroying, claiming this person is a child abuser. I’m not joking either; usually the victim’s children are removed from the care of their parents based on the lies of this sociopathic woman. So if you are involved with this type of woman, this is as serious as serious can be. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is off limits to this type of female.
So what should you do if you discover this type of woman is involved in your life in some capacity? whether it be an intimate partner, a friend, a co-worker, a boss, or even a neighbor.
First, you do not, under any circumstances, want to alert them that you have figured them out; that would be a huge mistake and will pretty much guarantee that she will target you seeking revenge. So please don’t do that; try to back away slowly.
Sometimes it can be beneficial to implement the “gray rock method”: become bored; start to slowly withhold the narcissistic If she was getting something from you, try to figure out exactly what it is about you that she’s envious of and take steps to remove those things from your life if possible so that she loses interest.
The goal should always be to establish no contact, but if you implement no contact too quickly, she will likely perceive that as a threat, so this part can be tricky, and if you are really struggling with what to do, reach out to someone who understands these types of people for support, whether that’s an educated therapist, a support group, or a narcissistic abuse recovery coach like myself, most of us will need support from someone during this very difficult time.
The typical behaviors you will witness from the female malignant narcissist
We are talking about the dangerous female narcissist and sociopath and some of the top signs you may be dealing with one’s capacity, which is an incredibly important topic for anyone who thinks they may have one of these women involved in their life in any way because when we are talking about the highest spectrum malignant narcissists and sociopaths, they can become extremely dangerous and destructive towards someone at the drop of a hat. So it’s critically important to know the signs of this type of woman so that you can identify them and get away from them in the fastest way possible—alerting without alarming them to the fact that you are becoming aware of who and what they are.
First, the female malignant narcissist is much more difficult to identify than her male counterpart, and that’s because she utilizes her femininity and just the fact that she is a female to her advantage. Remember, these people are proficient actors, they have learned how to mimic normal human behavior to other people they target. Usually, female malignant narcissists are harder to recognize because her tricks in her manipulations are disguised under a sweet and feminine demeanor. People are just not usually expecting this type of pathology and deceptiveness from a female, unfortunately.
However, we need to be wary of all people in this day and age; we need to know the red flags and the typical behaviors to watch out for everyone that we interact with. This disorder is just too prevalent in society these days not to be educated.
The female malignant narcissists will use mirroring and love bombing in the stages.
She’s going to mirror back to you all the things that she’s observed are important and meaningful to you. She will pretend that those things are the same things that are important and meaningful to her. And after she gets your attention and interest by mirroring, she will usually slide right into the love–bombing phase to complete the deal, and get you to think that you’ve potentially met this amazing woman who just seems absolutely perfect for you, and this just doesn’t happen in the male-female romantic relationships either.
The female malignant narcissists will use these same tricks to hook friends, job, career, opportunity, same-sex relationship. Basically, she will use these same techniques for anyone that she encounters she wants to take advantage of.-
She is an expert and smooth liar
They will say anything to get what they want, I mean nothing is off-limits. They will lie about their circumstances, the welfare of their children, their own health, and their childhood.
Many times they will lie about things that no one would dream someone else would lie about taking advantage of another person. I have witnessed one lie to other people about one of her children having cancer to an unsuspecting person at church, and of course her child didn’t have cancer, but she got everybody at this church to believe this because who would lie about her child having cancer, and they do it effortlessly with no hesitation.
These people can also usually cry on command in order to further exploit their lives and the people that they’re trying to trip. The female malignant is a pathological liar, just like her male counterpart is.
They are two-faced
Many times, they will play several people at the same time in order to gain the most rewards for whatever she’s after. She will befriend anyone if she thinks she has something to gain from it, doesn’t matter if it’s your arch enemy. In fact, many times she probably will prefer to do these things because you would never suspect that.
I have known malignant female narcissists who have been having affairs with family members of her husband, and the father of her children. I have seen them lie and manipulate other people for money, giving absurd pity victim scenarios to several people; in order to take advantage of all of them financially, you name it.
These women don’t know the word loyalty and honesty. She might behave as if she has high levels of integrity. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Also, they can turn into a bully in a matter of seconds when necessary, they can literally go from playing the victim and switch into the nastiest bully you have ever seen. Remember, their highest priority is getting what they want by fooling other people usually. However, when that isn’t working, or you catch them in a lie, or in an act that they cannot escape, they can get aggressive and will resort to emotional and verbal attacks and abuse in order to bully you into submission.
They can be highly sexual and seductive
The female malignant narcissist knows she has tremendous power and control over victims by using her sexuality. So it’s very common for these women to be superb in bed. They know that if they hone those skills, that they can victimize and exploit a target for far longer than if they don’t.
Many times they will try to get a target sexually obsessed with her or dependent on them sexually. Then they’ll get them to do what they want by withholding it and giving it to the target when he or she does what she wishes, but these women are highly sexual and I continually hear about how good in bed they are for my clients.
They take pleasure in humiliating other people
They love to watch other people have hurtful soul-crushing emotions or feelings, and nothing does a better job than humiliating someone in the most drastic ways. All malignant narcissists relish in the humiliation of other people and they get off on it even more if they’re responsible for the humiliation, and of course the more public the scene, the more joy they extract.
If you are a severely alienated parent, then your ex is a malignant narcissist. And anyone who has had the horror of going to court against the malignant narcissist, and his or her cronies know the delight and Happiness, these people feel when they can destroy the other parent’s life, when they can turn their own children against them and publicly vilified the targeted parent. While the child professes their unending love for the abusive and the disturbed parent, the filthier and disturbing they can lie about and humiliate the targeted parent, the more public they can make it the happier these people are.
They remind me of cockroaches, they all scatter back to their holes when they’re finished dismantling and humiliating the other person there, and they’re just such vile and horrible people. These people literally make my stomach turn.
She is fiercely competitive with others especially other women
Malignant narcissists look at winning as literally life or death, they cannot tolerate losing. Winning takes priority over literally every other thing in their lives, they will go to great lengths to win, they will lay, they will cheat, they will sabotage anyone or anything necessary in order to win.
Therefore the only way for a normal person to ever come away unharmed with these people is to disengage, because these people do not have a conscience, they can do things to other people even their own children, that you and I would never dream of doing to anyone.
We’re just no match for the malignant narcissist. Knowing what I know, now I would never ever challenge these people. If you find yourself tangled up with a malignant narcissist, my advice to you is to disengage immediately, cut your losses and walk away, because they will go to extremes in order to win and nothing is off-limits.
They consistently and notoriously refute and escape responsibility
This is a cornerstone for antisocial personality disorder and it’s bizarre to watch them do the things that they do to other people, and the absolute resolve they have in saying I’ve done nothing wrong.
These types of statements “I’ve done nothing wrong” are limitless in these people that they have a version an excuse for every nasty experience you’ve ever had with them. And of course, the logic they use is outrageous at the very least, and their determination to force everyone else to believe these lies, or at least accept it to get off their case and leave them alone. Is truly beyond anything I have ever seen. They never give up and they will go to their grave refusing any accountability, doesn’t matter if you caught them in the act red-handed. They will twist and turn “reality” into the most absurd version you have ever heard and will little literally force this version on other people until they finally give up.
This is one reason they are so effective at alienating their children from the targeted parent, because they pound and for and force this “version” of rewritten history into the child, until the child just gives up. So this is another reason you must have an order of protection if you’re going through severe parental alienation in order to reverse the alienation.
It would be the equivalent if you don’t have an order of protection of catching getting a family member out of a cult, and then trying to get them to heal and understand what had happened, and then giving them a telephone to talk to the cult leader. Therefore also no contact is so critically important when you leave a person like this. Any communication leaves you very vulnerable to the unending pressure to accept their lives. They just don’t stop until they accomplish their goal.
The female malignant narcissist is pathologically envious of other people
The interesting thing about these people is that they don’t feel or experience human emotions like empathy, compassion, guilt, shame, but they feel electric levels of envy. They also believe that other people are also envious of them because they can’t comprehend that other people would not feel envy how they do.
The horrible thing about pathological envy of the malignant narcissist is they will go to great lengths to ease this overpowering feeling. If you are unlucky enough for them to become envious of you, they will do all kinds of horrible things to sabotage you to get what they want. It’s not a pleasant place to find yourself when a malignant narcissist becomes envious of you or something you have.
Pathological envy consumes these people, and if they are hell-bent enough over it, they will do just about anything to get it or to see that they destroy it so you can no longer have it either.
Pathological Envy is probably the biggest factor that drives their behavior, it literally rules their lives.
They have no real understanding of how “others” meaning you and I think and feel
This is consistent with the malignant narcissists, and that is they truly believe that they are superior to other people. They think that the naivete of other people is bizarre, and they find it hard to understand why other people are unwilling to manipulate or take advantage of other people.
Many times they will theorize that people are all just like they are, they find it so hard to believe that other people would have an issue with being exploitative. If they encounter people who catch them doing something atrocious to them, they usually will only blame the victim, they truly believe that these things are the victim’s problem, they should have known better. It’s not their fault they lied and took advantage of you; it’s your fault for not knowing any better. This type of thinking is consistent for the male and the female malignant narcissists.
Many of my coaching clients will ask, did this person ever really love me? And the answer is no. Think about it: if all you ever felt towards another person was the cold wish to win, how would you understand the meaning of love, a friendship of caring? You wouldn’t understand.
Empaths, Sociopaths, and Post-Traumatic Growth 