Pretending that narcissistic abuse is not a serious matter is foolish. It is like telling a Park Ranger that the grizzly bear is not inherently dangerous. Kevin describes the serious, inherent danger of narcissists in his video below. He cites statistics from the Department of Justice who issued a survey about murder cases. They surveyed murder cases in society and found that 16 percent of all killings take place within the family. 64 percent of killings are in intimate relationships, friendships, acquaintances, and dating. The rest, 20 percent of killings, are from complete strangers.
It is wise, it is street smart, to be cautious about who we associate with. It is especially necessary to be cautious about who we date because the greatest risk to life exists (64%) within intimate relationships.
Kevin also points out that abusive personalities and their ability to cause harm or kill is nearly no different in the family than with strangers. There is only a 4 percent difference between a family member who kills versus a stranger who kills. This is because abusive people do what abusive people do. It is their nature. If the Park Ranger is not aware of the nature of the grizzly bear, there is a greater risk. The Ranger may wander into territory where he does not belong or he may not take the nature of the beast serious enough.
If we don’t take the nature of the beast, the narcissist-sociopath serious enough, we stay in relationships longer. The longer we stay, the more the risk of harm increases. Once the beast shows the ability to be hostile and aggressive, we need to take it seriously. (I have said repeatedly, “I wish I would have left the first time slapped”.)
Verbal abuse is an indicator of the nature of the beast. Verbal abuse typically precedes physical and sexual abuse.
“Verbal abuse includes withholding, bullying, defaming, defining, trivializing, harassing, diverting, interrogating, accusing, blaming, blocking, countering, lying, berating, taunting, put downs, abuse disguised as a joke, discounting, threatening, name-calling, yelling and raging.”
https://www.verbalabuse.com/about-verbal-abuse/
When it comes to abusive family dynamics where killing takes place, 6.5 percent are spousal related. The next highest, 3.5 percent, are parents killing own their own children (typically under the age of 12). 2.6 percent includes other family members outside the immediate family including aunts, uncles, step siblings, in-laws, biological brothers or sisters. When it comes to family tragedies, firearms are used to kill in 42% of the cases. Less than half involves guns.
This statistic tells us that abusive personalities kill people using things like pots, pans, shoes, bottles, glasses thrown, etc. Narcissists soften the reality of what’s in their nature (to be hostile) by saying ‘I didn’t mean for that to happen” or “it was an accident”. But, it is in their nature to be hostile, aggressive, to harm, and to kill! So, it’s not an accident. We don’t take their nature serious enough!
In intimate relationships, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner. Women can be as vicious as men. It doesn’t mean it cost them their life. They’ve been hit and they’ve been hurt. We can go outside and count three houses up. This violence can be happening in our neighborhood right now. Again, 64 percent of killings take place in dating relationships. 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men are severely injured (probably hospitalized).
Why we don’t take the nature of the beast serious enough? It involves our upbringing, education, and the church which often promotes we’re all the same. The church likes to promote the belief that we are all the same and that love is enough to change people. Do we believe the nature of people is all the same? or that we can change the nature of an abusive person?
We’re not all the same. All of humanity is part of the human species but all are as different as lion and bears. We may try to modify behavior through education, counseling, and/or the church. But, this does not change the nature of anybody. The reality of the nature of beast, of abusive personalities in western world Christianity, teaches there are no different natures. But there is!
Warning Signs
The precursor to physical abuse which indicates more harmful physical abuse: emotional and psychological abuse. All killers usually begin with mental, emotional, and psychological abuse!!!!
They:
- tell you you’re worthless. They believe you’re worthless and can hurt you. They don’t care about your safety and well-being,
- threaten to harm you, your family, children or pets,
- tell you no one else will ever love you. They don’t care about your existence and your well-being,
- isolate you from friends and family. They want you to have no support so they can treat you how they want to treat you with no back lash,
- control your behavior and movements. They monitor your whereabouts and tell you you’re the crazy one,
- demean you in public or in private,
- constantly criticize which means they don’t value you and they can hurt you,
- blame you for everything that goes wrong,
- stalk you which is a sign of potential harm,
- cause you to feel guilty over things which are not your fault. They threaten to take away what you love.
These warning signs are enough to make a decision to care about ourselves. The signs mean we need to distance and separate ourselves to avoid becoming a statistic.
Empaths, Sociopaths, and Post-Traumatic Growth 