Self-defense and self-protective boundaries are critical for an empath. As an empath, I lived a lifetime of suppressing feelings and needs in order to survive toxic male violence. As a female, I was taught to “be nice”, to nurture, and to deny anger. I eventually learned that socially accepted masculine and feminine roles, in the patriarchal, social engineering, brainwashing matrix, enabled toxic males to abuse and dominate and oppressed females to be submissive and victim. When toxic males strive to dominate, they use verbal abuse and worse! Yulk!
These quotes, from Patricia Evans, got my attention!
“Don’t ever delude yourself into thinking that you should have the ability to stay serene no matter how you are treated. Your serenity comes from the knowledge that you have a fundamental right to a nurturing environment and a fundamental right to affirm your boundaries.”
― Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond
“In a verbally abusive relationship, the partner learns to tolerate abuse without realizing it and to lose self-esteem without realizing it. She is blamed by the abuser and becomes the scapegoat. The partner is then the victim.”
“Verbal abuse is a violation, not a conflict. There is a definite difference between conflict and abuse. In a conflict each participant wants something different. In order to resolve the conflict, the two people in the relationship discuss their wants, needs, and reasons while mutually seeking a creative solution. There may or may not be a solution, but no one forces, dominates, or controls the other. Verbal abuse, on the other hand, is very different from a conflict. If we describe verbal abuse from the standpoint of boundary violation, we would describe it as an intrusion upon, or disregard of, one’s self by a person who disregards boundaries in a sometimes relentless pursuit of Power Over, superiority, and dominance by covert or overt means.”
“The victim of abuse is taught to believe that although she is hurting, she shouldn’t be, or that she is in some way responsible. From childhood, she is conditioned not to understand her feelings and so not to recognize the truth. This truth is that she is being abused and blamed for the abuse (as if it could be justified) and for feeling bad about it (as if her feelings were wrong). The typical partner believed the abuser’s denial and so became frustrated and confused even while she searched for answers. Unable to reach clarity and understanding, the partner was left with feelings of inadequacy and confusion. If her mate was not wrong, if he was not lying, if she did take things wrong, then she could believe only that “something must be wrong with the way she was — how she expressed herself, how she came across, or possibly with her feelings and experience of reality itself.” Thus the doubts of childhood rose up once more. She kept her mind open to what she might hear that would reveal what was wrong — why she suffered. She became, therefore, the perfect victim.”
Controlling People
“Controllers think differing ideas and views are personal opposition to be rejected and destroyed” (Patricia Evans).
Controlling people feel entitled to get their way without considering the needs of the other person. They typically are impulsive and react with irritability and anger in order to control other people. They lack insight and compassion with being sensitive to the feelings of the people they attack. It is imperative that empaths learn how dangerous Planet Earth can be especially as we experience an epidemic of narcissistic control dramas:
Four Control Dramas From the Celestine Prophecy:
James Redfield, author of Celestine Prophecy, suggests that we create control dramas in order to get energy from other people:
1. The intimidator control drama is the most aggressive and uses anger and threats to create fear:
2. The interrogator control drama is aggressive and steals energy by criticizing, judging and asking intrusive questions:
3. The aloof control drama steals energy by walking away, acting reserved, and/or using silent treatment:
4. The poor me control drama is the most passive and steals energy by using guilt trips and getting people to feel sorry and responsible for fixing problems:
Five Protective Strategies for Empaths
As empaths, we need to listen to gut instinct. We need to emotionally detach when we are feeling sensory overload. We need to be assertive rather than always putting the needs of other people first. We need to be ready to use visualized lion or jaguar energy when caught in situations with controllers:
- shielding visualization
- define and express relationships needs
- establish energetic boundaries at work and home
- prevent empathy overload
- jaguar protection meditation
Sociopaths Love Empaths
Empaths provide a feeding frenzy for controllers i.e. sociopaths. Sociopaths thrive if empaths keep trying too hard to please them and/or to emotionally connect with them. When I was young, I did not know. I did not know there are some people who cannot genuinely give and receive in order to create a supportive, mutual, and compassionate bond. I did not know that some people thrive from stealing energy, using control dramas, and destroying other people. I did not know what evil truly is. Sociopaths passionately hate empaths when they lose narcissistic supply because the empath figured out the sociopath’s stealing energy game plan of destruction and even death. Empaths learn to STAY AWAY from the sociopath!
Giving and Receiving Energy
The sociopath will never experience a successful, genuine relationship of care and respect. The empath, however, can. We can learn to exit our control dramas and, instead, share energy with one another. The movie, Celestine Prophecy, is helpful for learning how we try to control others and how we can, instead, experience mutually supportive relationships:
When Self Defense Becomes Kinetic
I used to hate violence and studied non-violence, by Marshall Rosenberg, to avoid control dramas. However, I have learned there are times when violence cannot be avoided. This is because some people have no conscience, they enjoy hurting and destroying other people, and they go to great lengths in order to get what they want. They lack empathy for others.
These criminals destroy our health, abduct our children, exploit us financially, take away our freedoms, use tyranny and treats to dominate, and they have agendas to depopulate the human race. It appears that we are all currently learning what evil truly is on this planet. We are all seeing the need to fight back or be destroyed. We are seeing the need to speak up or be trampled upon. I now believe that we can do all we can to keep our lives peaceful and in harmony with others. But, there is a time when evil is so barbaric that only self-defense and military might is essential:
“In general, when you respond to verbal abuse, speak firmly and clearly, stand or sit straight and tall, hold your head high, look the abuser in the eye, and breathe deeply, letting your abdomen expand with the intake of air.”
― Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond
Empaths, Sociopaths, and Post-Traumatic Growth 